Discovering the buck stops here....

[RosaLinda]

I wanted to check on how you're doing, and found your "new" thread Jaye, sorry. Holy cow you have a lot going on in your life. I can see you have got the DBing down pat with handling your kids. Poor S20, I remember in nursing school certain students always thought they had which ever disease we were currently studying. It must be so frightening for him. And...D19's new relationship must be so frightening for YOU. Your in-laws experimenting with medical marijuana (is that legal in Canada?). The twins, although seemingly doing well, teenagers always need a lot of love and guidance. Your jobs, and so-called difficult boss. And most of all your H. Portia's stress cracks are a-showin' !

This sure touched a chord with me:
"I identify strongly with TVS's most recent posting. I have the feeling as long as I continue to pretend everything is hunky dory the sitch could go on indefinitely. Somehow this comes down to being on me, this break up/continuation of the M. Abdication of responsibility on H's part? Assumption of responsibility on my part?

I'm left pondering all the rights and wrongs. And just what is right? And what rights do I have? I did have an epiphany while doing dishes at fastfoodland today. It comes down, at least in part, to me determining whether or not I can be happy, or at peace, with whatever decision I make. (Fast Food Filosophy?) And I don't have an answer yet. I can, on some days, see living unhappily ever after with H. But would I be happier without H? I really don't know."

You got me worrying - maybe this is my life too. I cannot see my H and RT continuing their skype love fest sessions indefinitely, but what if he picks up ever new EAs and PAs to replace her, as he had the past four years? How will we know when enough is enough? If we never feel that we are done, will we be living unhappily forever after as you ask?

But Jaye, this is the truism here:
"I'll save you the keystrokes Job "Wait quietly and the answers will come to you." Sigh. But I wanna know NOW! I know something will happen sooner or later, things will shift, my perspective will change and those "answers" will surface. But by then I'll probably have different questions...."

We need to trust the process Jaye. We need to sit quietly, as Job prescribes. Every time I gotten into a spinning frenzy (and you know I do it a lot ) if I am able to sit myself down and think and pray quietly, some answers come to me. Maybe not the final answers, but the answer that is needed at that moment, to get thru that moment of pain.

You are incredibly strong, to be able to deal with all that is being thrown at you right now. You are awesome!