You brought up a point about if this talk had happened earlier. Actually, a form of it did happen earlier - it was in January of this year.
He calls me on the way home from work asking if it was okay to go out with his brother - his usually alibi since he has pretty much cut everyone else out.
I was upset when he got home, and a lot came out. It wasn't calculated. I didn't have a script per say, but had some things I'd wanted to say for awhile.
He was defensive, tried turning things around on me, poor eye contact. Of course denied the affair, and was defensive about her as well. Did not admit to any wrongdoing, though did admit that he cared about me and "had some feelings of love" for me.
It was a much different talk.
Well....YES, you DID have a script then...
It was titled...hurt, raw emotion , and other assorted dependent behaviors....
Ant the is kind of my point...
YOUR script changed..
This one was, Strength, and GTFO out of my life...
Originally Posted By: Takevowsserious
I am giving him some time to put actions to his words. I have a mental deadline in which if I do not see an effort, I will ask him to leave.
As far as I can tell, his efforts thus far have included:
- increase in helping around the home, helping with boys - increase in time spent at home - decrease in texting - sharing who he is texting, showing me texts - sleeping in bed. He has pretty much spent the past two years on the couch. There have been times where he would come up to bed. It seemed as though there was a possible pattern between he and OW not getting along/him coming to bed and he and OW making up/he's back on couch.
He's not exactly cuddly while in bed, but he's not clinging to the end of the bed either - lol!
So while none of these things scream - yes, I want to be married to you!- perhaps these are baby steps for him, all he is able to offer me at the present moment.
That sounds wonderfully....mundane : )
What does reconciliation look like to you ?
What steps would HAVE to happen for you to recognize it ???
What steps from him ??
What steps from YOU ???
IF you are looking inward, how does that look ???
Looking outward, how does that look ???
How does that feel ???
How will you know, when you get there ?????
Baby steps are great...sort of...
When we reach this point, most people say, F baby steps, I want Giant leaps. I want this to end sooner rather than later....
Truth is....
The expectations of things being one way or the other way, are the things that ultimately do the LBS in.
Same as always...it didn't break overnight, and it won't fix overnight.
