I would only agree to that up to certain point. I gave my W plenty of time and space. That allowed her much freedom to do what she wants and now my situation has turned to the worse. Thinking back, I may reconsider doing just that.
This is what i'm worried about!
But i guess that is how it works. Work on yourself, be ready to live with, or without the person you love most in the world.
I would only agree to that up to certain point. I gave my W plenty of time and space. That allowed her much freedom to do what she wants and now my situation has turned to the worse. Thinking back, I may reconsider doing just that.
This is what i'm worried about!
But i guess that is how it works. Work on yourself, be ready to live with, or without the person you love most in the world.
You can only control yourself. There's nothing you can do to control your W. Understand this. Although we may find our situations moving along a scripted line but the final outcome will be different for everyone.
Your W is still on the 'unsure' phase. She's evaluating. At this point of juncture, there may be R talks. Use this time wisely. Validate like hell and don't defend yourself.
M35 XW34 D5 D4 M 6years T 10years Bomb 5/2013 Joint Petition signed 6/2013 Moved out end of 8/2013 Court Hearing of Joint Petition 9/2013 D finalized in 3 months - no news yet
Your W is still on the 'unsure' phase. She's evaluating. At this point of juncture, there may be R talks. Use this time wisely. Validate like hell and don't defend yourself.
Thank you for the reminder Planet. This is really a big thing for me. I have always been the "fixer" how can I help my wife fix this problem. I need to just shut up, listen, and validate her feelings.
After I left the house today, I went to the gym and was super mad and at the beginning it fueled my workout. But now that I think back, as i got to the halfway point in my workout, and throughout the rest of the day, I just forgot about even thinking about my wife and our problems. I was just out and about thinking about me, and what I wanted to do.
Of course as it got later in the day, and as I got bored the thoughts starting coming back... but i guess it was a good 5 hours of relief.
Right now i'm having a little too much idle time, and starting to think about when my D and W are coming home... I feel like I should just leave and not be here when they get home.
Well... Definitely not the best day. The day started with my wife making breakfast, which was unusual. I thanked her very much as i appreciated it. We had our annual holiday family photos scheduled for today, so we got all dressed up and went to go get them taken.
On the way there, my wife asked... Do you want to get separate pictures with D taken? I tried to stay calm and just say, these are family pictures.
About twenty minutes later my wife mentioned that she feels like we need to separate for a while. She needs to have time to think about what she wants. I let her know that if she wanted to separate then my D would be staying in our HOME with me, and she would could stay with her friend (a girl) as she requested. This was a hard boundary for me. D would be staying at home, this separation would not change her daily life.
So. After a very long (20 Min), emotional goodbye. (wife and I were both crying like babies, and she was unusually affectionate, and kept apologizing and saying she was sorry) She left.
My wife and I are officially separated. Today. God that hurts to say. Give me strength.
I am so sorry to hear this. I feel your pain here. Remember to be grateful for the time and space to work on yourself. Be grateful you are in your home, with your D. Focus on you now and her. Detach, free yourself. (Lovingly) Have hope, have patience, patience and more patience.
What's helped me in GAL. I subscribed to livingsocial, and other coupon social sites. It gives me ideas to try different things. This thursday I am going to be painting "Stary Night" at a local painting place. I have taken cooking classes, I like board games so I go to a board game store and demo/play. It helps to look forward to doing new things.
Anyway, this sitch sux, but you can be the piller of strength, and the lighthouse in the storm. DB on brother!
Groov
Me:35 W:33 D:6 S:4 M:13 years BD:W Moves Out with D6 S4 7/25/13 EA: Confirmed 12/12/13 Divorced: 11/7/2014
My wife came home about 6:30 this morning so that she could take D to school. She gave me a big hug and held me for a long while. I don't really know what to think about that? I know she is confused, hurt, and she honestly doesn't have all of the answers.
It was really hard to leave, and come to work today. I'm still in a very bad place from yesterday.
My copy of DR should be in the mail tonight or tomorrow. Maybe that will help me start my new path.
D ended up sleeping in my bed with me last night. It was nice to atleast have someone with me.
How do i react when she keeps saying that she doesn't want to lose her daughter?
She says that she feels like because she is away, that if it came to a divorce the court would make it look like she "abandoned" her.
This is not at all what i want. I want to be a family #1. But #2, if we cannot be a family, I would NEVER take her away from her.
She is a GREAT mom. Do I play this close to the chest? or do I express that this isnt' something she should be worrying about, and that i would never keep them apart, and that she needs to focus on what she wants right now?
How do i react when she keeps saying that she doesn't want to lose her daughter?
She says that she feels like because she is away, that if it came to a divorce the court would make it look like she "abandoned" her.
This is not at all what i want. I want to be a family #1. But #2, if we cannot be a family, I would NEVER take her away from her.
She is a GREAT mom. Do I play this close to the chest? or do I express that this isnt' something she should be worrying about, and that i would never keep them apart, and that she needs to focus on what she wants right now?
Play it close to your chest.
I'm not saying you need to seem like you might turn into a jerk if she moves forward with divorce, I'm just saying she needs to think about these things and feel the weight of her choices on her own. If you start a pattern of insulating her from her decisions - making her feel better and reassuring her - how will she be able to make an informed decision on which life to choose?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I said, that i understood why she feels upset about D and that it will certainly be something to address if she decides that permanent separation is what she wants. (divorce)
I instead suggested that she could use this space and time to find out what is going to make her happy, and ultimately if she wants to continue this marriage or start her own life.
She kept asking "what should I do?" and i told her that i can't make the decision for her, and that i'm not expecting her to know the answer right now. I know she needs time.
(I dont know if this was selfish or not) I said, I know you love your daughter, and its hard to think of what it would be like without her, but maybe something to think about, is what you need to do to keep the family in tact for her..
Lastly, I let her know that I know this isn't easy, and that she had a lot of tough decisions to work through, but in the end they were her decisions to make.
I know it has only been 1 day since my W left, but she already seems i don't know. Nicer.
She emailed to let me know that she forgot her phone at home. (she normally would just not answer) and then started up a conversation via email.
She seems, cordial. I let her know that i was going to be at the gym after work and that she would need to pick up D, and she agreed and asked if i would like to have dinner after.
I don't want to mind read, or have expectations, it just seems like she is i dont know, much more open today.
