When you had your first separation (14 months) did you keep hope that you would get back together or did you basically decide to move on with your life>? and then she came back?
So let me ask about the phone thing, was there another person she was involved with that caused the separation? Was/Is her phone, fb, etc passworded? Do you feel she kept secrets from you during that time. Is the phone thing now a trigger for you because of how things went down previously? A reminder? Obviously it was an issue that never got resolved, just rug swept.
I'm asking cause its obviously an issue for you, and if there was some hiding before, then I understand how it triggers you. Sure, your wife is allowed to have friends and be on her phone, but its what you think she's doing, and how open she is about it that might be your boundry problem.
Letting it slide, right now, yes. But its another symptom of a problem. Does she know how much it upsets you? In all honesty, your allowed to have feelings too, how you deal with those feelings is the other half of the equation/problem here thou.
Your getting a lot of script like talk, your taking a lot of blame, your feeling guilty, jealous, scared, lonely, and possibly betrayed? All natural. I'm sure you have read here the saying "believe none of what they say, and half of what they do". Detach, act "as if" your moving on with your life.
I'm the type of guy that doesn't hope for anything. When she left I had huge amounts of hope. It was what kept me going down my path to bettering myself. As time went on hope faded. Honestly what made things easier for me was her finding out that guys are douches. I eventually moved on when she called to reconcile. I was very skeptical because she didnt take the time to look at herself. I spent 14 months finding all kinds of faults about myself. She told me and my counselor the reason she came back was because I was the love of her life and she saw the changes I made.
During our first separation there was no one else. We both started dating other people around the 8 month mark. She started dating first and that's when I decided to get out there as well. She left me because of my anger issues. My anger has been taken care of thanks to 2 years of domestic abuse therapy. My counselor actually described me more like a guy with bad behavior. I wasn't violent or ever hit her. Basically my W has been abused and treated poorly her whole life. I was the straw that broke the camels back. No excuses though. I own my mistakes during the relationship.
When we were separated there were instances of both of us going through each others phone, fb. She found out I was talking about her and I found out she was talking to guys. I have to emphasize this point, she loves being social and views males and females the same. She believes it's part of her core that she able to have platonic relationships. I believe her but it still hurts. I think the main reason I'm hurt(which she can't seem to understand) is because she still hangs out and texts a guy she had casual sex with during our breakup. She even wanted to join a pool league with him and his friends(during our reconciliation), that's when she got the sense I didn't change everything about me. I told her I wasn't comfortable with it(she goes out a lot as it is and this would've been every Tuesday for 6 months). I would've liked to have her home to help with our son. But anyway, she felt I was been controlling and jealous. Sure I might've been, but my main feelings were that I wanted her to be home with our son and I felt disrespected because she was still doing one on one hangouts with a guy she had casual sex with.
I feel I've gone and rambled a bit.
Basically, number one reason i get upset is I find it disrespectful to be on your phone that much regardless of who you're texting. Number two, I don't feel comfortable she texts that one guy as often as she does. I mean the dude is a kid. I think he's only 23 or something. She's 28 with a toddler!! I am getting more used to her texting him but it's a slow process.
Me-35 Com law-28 S-3 T-6 yrs w/14 mnth bu 1st bu- 2/2012 Rec-4/2013 2nd bu-10/2013 IC-2 yrs(anger issues) MC- 5 mnths-fail OM~1/1/14 OM dumped 6/4/14 New OM ~10/4/14
