tbh42, sounds to me like MLC too. Mine does these same kinds of things, one day I am the person who ruined his life and it just trying to keep him trapped, the next day he tells me it would be so easy to spend the rest of his life with me.
I think the reality is they really don't KNOW what they want. It changes week to week, day to say, even hour to hour based on the extreme fluctuations of their impressions of things and their emotions.
They also seem to think that in this moment they are ENTITLED to what they want and when they want it. Sounds like your H simultaneously wants to run out the door as soon as he can, but make amends by being there for your daughter... and having you along just gives him more opportunity to test the waters with you and have your attention (positive or negative, I don't think it really matters to them as long as they get it). They honestly do not realize that their actions are constantly sending opposing messages and make no sense to those of us who still have our marbles. :P
I finally got to the point where I wrote mine a short note to let him know that even though he kept SAYING he cared about me and our son and that he wanted to keep me in his life as a friend no matter what, that his WORDS and ACTIONS were not actually backing that message up in a consistent way. It did actually seem to make a difference in his behavior going forward.
If it gets to be too hard for you to do things with him and your daughter you are well within your rights to draw a line and tell him you are not comfortable doing things with him right now, that you are not ready yet to resume activities that you associate with being a family.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
Cadet, I'm job searching, plans with college room mate, new hair do, exercising, plans to paint and rearrange the bedroom. There's lots to do and I plan to do it.
Thanks Tigerlily, glad to know I'm not the only confused lbs with a confused mlcr!
And this morning he's flirting. Good times.
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
So this morning he picks up D9 to take to school. He then sends me a series of texts about how he's stuck in this big interstate back up. More texts than he's sent me in months. So much for him hating my guts, huh?
Then for the past 2 nights that he's been gone he fails to call her to tell her goodnight. I guess it's part of the MLC thing but I figured he'd be better at keeping in contact with her.
On the GAL front I'm going to go to a college ballgame with my college roommate! Also planning to get my hair cut in a flattering style and cleaning up the mess left from his move. Also D9 wants me to put up the tree so she can decorate when she gets back from visitation Sunday. Keeping busy!!
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
Oh I know how that goes... they don't have the time or energy for you until there is nothing more shiny going on sometimes. It is really shi++y on their part. "I am bored in traffic, entertain me... so that later today I can ignore that email you sent me about real life important decisions regarding our child." :P
D9 is old enough to pick up the phone and call him if the missed calls are really hurting her feelings. Just make sure it is an OPTION you give and let her take charge, not something you do as a way to poke your H about his forgetfulness.
Good for you on the GALing.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
I haven't said anything to either one about not calling, but if D9 asks I will allow her to call no problem.I've even offered for him to visit in the marital home this weekend if he doesn't have heat and I will go house sit for my mother.
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
Well D went to H's Tuesday after school and was to stay until today at 2. He's bringing her home now.
He's been texting me random things all week like 'the cable will be turned off on Friday', and long rambling things about his new place. He looks like hell. Maybe he's seeing that I'm not what made him unhappy but I'm thinking he's probably blaming his current situation on me regardless.
H-44 Me-43 D9 T-13 years M-12 years BD-8/21/13 Sep- 11/19/13 D in process
