H in MLC, trying to DB

[tigerlily78]

tbh42, sounds to me like MLC too. Mine does these same kinds of things, one day I am the person who ruined his life and it just trying to keep him trapped, the next day he tells me it would be so easy to spend the rest of his life with me.

I think the reality is they really don't KNOW what they want. It changes week to week, day to say, even hour to hour based on the extreme fluctuations of their impressions of things and their emotions.

They also seem to think that in this moment they are ENTITLED to what they want and when they want it. Sounds like your H simultaneously wants to run out the door as soon as he can, but make amends by being there for your daughter... and having you along just gives him more opportunity to test the waters with you and have your attention (positive or negative, I don't think it really matters to them as long as they get it). They honestly do not realize that their actions are constantly sending opposing messages and make no sense to those of us who still have our marbles. :P

I finally got to the point where I wrote mine a short note to let him know that even though he kept SAYING he cared about me and our son and that he wanted to keep me in his life as a friend no matter what, that his WORDS and ACTIONS were not actually backing that message up in a consistent way. It did actually seem to make a difference in his behavior going forward.

If it gets to be too hard for you to do things with him and your daughter you are well within your rights to draw a line and tell him you are not comfortable doing things with him right now, that you are not ready yet to resume activities that you associate with being a family.