wife hardens heart-5

[ccZ28]

I found out that OM have been sleeping with XW and my kids in the same bed on weekends.

I'm absolutely livid about this. No way my kids will spend the night with someone who have no blood relation to them. They are not even married. This something I feel strongly about. No means no.

I am going to talk to XW about this and put my foot down.

This would have drove me absolutely insane. I don't know how you kept composure.

I'm young, probably stupid, and probably would have attacked that guy in your sitch.

[MrBond]

Then what is the most rights that you CAN have? If you don't start thinking of them you will continue to have no say as to what your children's lives will be like.

[planet]

Today another heart breaking event.

I found out again from D3 from OM have been spending the night at their room.
Again, I went to talk to XW. Things got a little heated.

I reiterated my stand. She just takes the thing round and round. Going from my fault this D happened, my family's fault, I don't want to pay for the art class, etc.
She's at it again. I remember specifically we have agreed in the past that no man other than the father and some selected relative will be able to clean my Ds private parts. The same reasoning I applied to not having another man with no blood relation sharing the same room as my Ds.

I told her I have apologize for the things I have done and I am not going to apologize again. I tried to get her to focus on the subject on hand. She just avoid answering.

She even said she did nothing wrong. She even dares me to tell everyone. Even the EA. I told her I have kept my mouth shut to protect her. She's gone completely crazy. She just wants to be right all the time and don't even care of the consequences. Now I remember why I just shutdown all the time in the past. She is just unbelievable. Same thing happens all the time during the course of our M. I told her not to blame the failure of our M entirely on me and she have to own some of it.

She even calls her sister telling her I am making trouble again. She just paints me as the bad man. They may as well believe her.

Things got out of hand. I told her we are finished. No point talking about past history so we are not going to go into other things especially my parents.

She doesn't respect my wishes. She's thinks she did me a lot of favour. Frankly speaking I can't compel her to do anything. I told her I will take whole custody when she remarries if she continues this behavior as I have a strong fighting chance to do it legally. She doesn't care.

Why do I even love her still. Kept on hoping for reconciliation. I should be glad as I have escaped this hell. I remember wanting to leave her a couple of times as I can't take this sort of abuse. Why did I believe in one spouse for life?
I know what I did was not validating but this time I just don't care.

[newman7977]

I sure hope you are documenting these events. If not go back to your previous posts and write them down. Revisit with your L, see what you can do to protect your kids.

So wait, your D is not final? Is there a hearing in 3 months to finalize this D? If so bring it up to the hearing, hopefully it will help get you to get the at least 50/50 custody.

Hang in there,

Newman

[PatientMan]

She even dares me to tell everyone. Even the EA.

Call her bluff.

I told her I have kept my mouth shut to protect her.

Stop. Not only is that not your job anymore (she is divorcing you), but protecting her from the consequences of her decisions isn't loving her.

-PM

[planet]

So wait, your D is not final? Is there a hearing in 3 months to finalize this D? If so bring it up to the hearing, hopefully it will help get you to get the at least 50/50 custody.

There is no more hearing. Awaiting divorce certificate after the judge granted the divorce order.

Call her bluff.

I know her. She wouldn't even care anymore. I will not lower myself.

Stop. Not only is that not your job anymore (she is divorcing you), but protecting her from the consequences of her decisions isn't loving her.

I'm silent on whatever she did. Taking the high road. Let life teach her whatever she is suppose to learn.

[planet]

I can't believe this.
OM just sent a text.

"What else do u wan? N i will do for u. But pls don scold W in front kids. It is never healthy for them. Come on why u wan to see W suffer in tears??"

The nerve.
I always tried to pull XW aside to talk nicely but she never wanted to.
I do not want to see her in tears too. I am just expressing my thoughts. Only if she actually ever tried to listen.

I replied...

"R u crazy"
"How is that scolding"
"Do not twist what happened. You saw it for yourself."

[PatientMan]

I keep starting to type a reply, and I keep having to delete it. I'm having trouble relating to your sitch as I can't understand an environment that I've created where OM would ever...communicate with me. Not just the way he is communicating with you, just in general.

I guess maybe a way to illustrate what I mean is the example of my XW and my kids. My kids argue and bicker and banter with XW, and she'll complain about it and get frustrated and it can be very trying and tiring for her.

My kids don't argue with me. They are my children. They are not adults. I - in no way - give them the impression that they and I are on equal footing...arguing with me would be so foreign...I mean...who argues with a child? Arguing with them would validate them as some sort of equal, of which they are not. *I* know that and *they* know that. There is a clear line of demarcation.

In the same manner, who is this person who is speaking to you? How in the world does he have any impression that he - in any way - is on equal footing with you and acts accordingly? I'm just sitting here scratching my head thinking of things that *I* would say or do, but maybe that isn't you and wouldn't work for you.

So my kids don't argue with me. I certainly encounter other children who aren't held to the same standard by their parents, and it takes all of about 5 seconds to establish what is and what is not acceptable behavior towards me or with me around.

But when I think about it, this doesn't just apply to children. People - in general - typically treat me a certain way. And I guess it goes back to the old adage that people will treat you however you will allow them to. So somehow you've allowed OM to think he has a place communicating with you in such a manner. My advice to you is to remedy that. I remember giving similar advice months ago, so really give what you need to do some thought.

I hope that made some sort of sense...I'm still thinking about the right way to say it.

I know her. She wouldn't even care anymore. I will not lower myself.

I'm not saying you pay a pilot to tie a banner to his plane and fly around your city with the message of what your W has done and is doing, I'm just saying to stop hiding it. Stop carrying that weight around. You have been carrying it for so long you may not even realize how heavy it is, but if you take it off your shoulders I guarantee you'll feel lighter.

She thinks she can manipulate you with your desire to reconcile. Take that playing card away from her. You are a man and you will not be trifled with. She may be extremely ticked off at you and lash out, but that wouldn't surprise me as she very much acts like a child...and children don't like having things taken away from them, especially something that gives them the illusion of power.

But don't worry about that. Grown men don't care what little kids think of them. Grown men do what's best and what's right regardless.

Lastly, you keep posting about how irrational and crazy your W is acting when you try to communicate with her. So why are you still trying to communicate? If she is acting like a nutbag, then communicate out of absolute necessity only. Otherwise avoid her like you would any other nutbag. It sounds like you're reaching that point - that's good.

-PM

[planet]

I wish to be involved in my kids life and activities. XW doesn't seem to want me to. All I want is for her to share some information regarding the kids.
I just don't understand her.
Which mother does not want the biological father be involved in her kids life?

Regarding the latest episode. This is just too much. I have to put my foot down. I do not want that for my kids.

I do not communicate with her other than things related to my kids. Absolutely just that.

I have to give some really deep thought on future reconciliation. Don't know if it's even worth it.

[JayMan]

Planet ~ why is this a conversation? I assume you have shared parenting. If so, then why is there any conversation at all?

My XW1 had her OM move in with her even though both kids didn't like him. She was reminded once what our shared parenting agreement was. I told her if she EVER deviated it from it, she'd be in court on contempt charges as soon as I could get to the attorney's office.

That was the end of that.