You WILL BE WELL!!! You will. This is a rough patch though--you are in purgatory. Purgatory suckkks big time. Welcome to the area, we have jackets and block parties.
You did awesome!!! You looked great and didn't cross any boundaries with the R talks. So Awesome.
It hurts. It's going to.
What you wrote reminded me of a book I read Love Must Be Tough by Dobson. There's a part that is so compassionate and loving about what us LBS's go through.
We have put ALL our lives and dreams and hopes into this marriage and family. We have dreamed of this since little girls, riding off into the sunset and having the happy ever after.
Now, our entire foundations are rocked. Everything we thought about life and our futures and our deepest relationships is being threatened. The person we are supposed to be the closest to in this world is sharing the most intimate act two people can share--he is sharing it with someone else.
The human instinct is to hang on tighter. It makes sense, right? We must hang on like a baby gorilla for dear life. Only that makes the WAS move away because that's what they are running from right now. They need a "sabbatical" of sorts from this pressure of being part of someone else's foundation. It's too much pressure.
So, we need to release and let them go. For now. And, we have to accept they are gone forever. WE HAVE TO ACCEPT IT AS IF IT'S THE TRUTH. IF WE DON'T, THEY WILL SENSE IT.
Sorta a catch-22. If we don't let them go and accept what that means at the core of our beings, the possibility of reconciliation dies. If we hang on, it definitely dies.
The old marriage is dead. Gone. He is with someone new. He has filed. Hard truth but the truth nonetheless. Now it's your turn to be the hero.
He has let you, your kids, your marriage, himself down--he knows this. You must be the one to rise above it. Be the person you never dreamed you had the power to be. Be that. Everything else will fall into place. With or without him.
But, let him go. One day at a time.
Think about what it was like in the beginning. We had no guarantees when we became couples. We are back to that now. We are two independent individuals living our lives. I need to remember this. He is in his life, I'm in mine.
Much love,
Heather
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
