Today is just depressing. It's cloudy outside. I don't feel like doing anything. D is pending (for how long?). I get out more, but I'm just putting off returning to an empty house each day. I feel like there is no movement on her part. I'm tired of doing all the lifting, taking care of the house, paying all the bills, and having to do it all alone. I miss affection. I miss passion. The holidays are nearly here. For the first time in my adult life, I will be alone on my birthday. I can't even decide whether any of it is worth celebrating. (Not very DB, I know.) Even if it was, I don't know what to do. It's that time of year when most people spend time with family and loved ones. That doesn't leave many, if any, friends or companions. I thought I had my plans to get away for the holidays, but then my family intruded. I have not had much luck making alternate arrangements this close to the holidays. Some days, I just feel like I cannot catch a break.
