I also think that if I choose to stay in the M, choose to try to trust my H again, I can't spend forever questioning things. I would need some time to do that, but not for the rest of our lives.
And this is where trust in yourself comes in to play.
I think most, if not all, of us "knew" something wasn't "right" before BD...thankfully we didn't know exactly what wasn't right, lol, I for one may have run for the hills and missed this opportunity to re-discover the core, real, me.
And I agree on the finances being transparent, for me, we had that before, I do want that again. But other sitches/R's may have different things that work for that particular R. My sister and new H come to mind, she has hers, he has his, and there is a joint account for common responsibilities that both contribute to. Every sitch is unique. A reconciliation means a new R, and the decision to accept terms, or not.
And that is the point of all this, to discover, challenge what our core is, tear down every assumption, every programming, see what IS real, or just "going along with the Jones's", and make changes as needed.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
