Maybe there is a difference between transparency and "total" transparency.
Would I expect my H to tell me what he is doing/thinking at every moment of everyday? No.
Would I expect him to divulge details from counseling sessions or a journal? No.
But I agree with A, when if comes to finances, there should be no secrets.
Does that mean you and your spouse have to tell each other everytime you buy something or take money out of ATM? No - that, IMO would fall under "total" transparency.
But should both spouses have access to bank and cc accounts? Absolutely!!! That is transparency.
I have asked my H in the past to give me the access into to OUR cc account. He has flat out refused. I know how much the bills are (because I set up access for myself to our bank accounts), but don't know exactly what our money is being spent on.
That would have to change.
I have also asked him for the info to access our cell phone account. He has flat out refused that as well. That is an account that has my cell phone on it too - I absolutely should be able to access that.
That would have to change as well. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I think you bring up a good point T that our ideas can and do change over time. What we feel, think, need change during this journey.
And these things are different for everyone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are right too A, that punishment has no place in a M.
So I asked myself the question... Is expecting transparency from my H if we got to a place of reconciliation punishment?
I don't believe so.
At this point, I consider transparency something I would need to help me move forward.
I also think that if I choose to stay in the M, choose to try to trust my H again, I can't spend forever questioning things. I would need some time to do that, but not for the rest of our lives.
There is too much living to do for that
Bomb January 2012 - doesn't feel the same about me
~ "There is nothing love cannot face; there is no limit to its faith, hope, and endurance."
