I like a lot of your reasoning, let's dig a little deeper...
Regarding the Dr./patient info... Let's say you asked H to have a full std panel (and you should if reconcile) and he agrees and does. Would YOU expect him to tell you if it was negative? How about positive? Not volunteering from him, but expecting info, either way, from him? How does that work? What part do you actually control?
If my W and I reconcile, I am going to ask her to do a full std panel. And I am going to have to give her the benefit of the doubt (trust) regarding reporting back the results, either way. Would I trust her completely to report back truthfully? Idk. She would have motivation to lie given a certain outcome. So do I refuse ML until I can somehow get to the truth? And how would that effect the attainment of my goals? Or, is there a way to "trust but verify" that does not initiate the use of force, or coercion, etc? That I can actually control? Yup, get my own at regular intervals until trust is established and I feel/know it. And I trust myself enough to know when I can (and I have read several sitches here where the LBS did exactly that, because they knew their spouse well enough to know how much "confessional" they could handle, and each M is unique as the individuals in it, and it works for me).
Raine's post initiated a bunch of thoughts for me, I don't necessarily agree, nor disagree with her. Her journey is hers, but I hope/think she appreciates someone coming around and questioning things, she seems a thinker. And we all come here to grow, right?
If she "needs" what she posted earlier, that is hers. It is completely okay. But she did post that what she "needed" earlier in the journey has changed, isn't "needed" anymore in the same manner.
Why can't it change again, given different ideas, brain time?
Mine certainly have.
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
