I've looked at life from both sides now

[Ambivalent]

Ha! I love your Animal Farm quote!

Now, I have to say total transparency was not something I would require of anyone.

Independent counseling is something I would never expect nor ask my spouse to share. If he does, that is his choice.

I do believe if married all accounts to do with financing should be known. As for FB that is very different from this board.

This board is IMHO acts as an individual counseling session, albeit a group session. Similar to AA , AlANON , or any other group therapy.

But phones and yes computers should be open and accessible to the marriage. I don't have anything to hide and would have no issue with him having access to my email accounts, my phone or even FB.

I would like my husband to completely trust me, which I know he does, in this capacity. I believe there are lines to privacy, and DR. patient, Attorney priv. are good. I know men look at porn, mine does. As long as it wasn't illegal, and free, that's something I would prefer honesty about. With a husband and wife, emotional intimacy is a big deal. Women desire to feel safe, and we do need to feel that we can trust. It is an intimacy thing.

I believe I'm validated in the book His Needs/Her Needs on this topic. But whatever. Ultimately it is between the couple. I do see how it would be a big deal for Raine.

I think it would be something I would need to discuss with my H. as well. I do think though, I would want counseling prior to jumping back to living together. But I'm getting WAY ahead of myself here. Raine is in it...oh to have her challenge right now!

Raine, I would love to be where you are at present , but it looks as if I have to follow a bit more of the yellow brick road!.

If it is used as punishment, then I believe there is some serious growth still needed and perhaps counseling. For punishment in my opinion , has no place in a marriage.