Divorce Busting Techniques

[melissag]

Hi Lou, somehow I missed your updates the last day or two!

Yes, the negative thoughts crop up all the time for me, too. Allowing them to affect you is being passive. Instead, do something that gives you some control - think about your goals, what you are doing to reach them, and what positives you see. Then think about how you want your day to look, and make it happen!

Also, keep up with your humor! I LOLed at the dog eating your socks. I wish I had a dog to eat my socks but my D9 is allergic to all but the little yappy ones. I hope the socks came out OK - a friend of mine had to pay $2500 to have her panties surgically removed from her dog's intestines. Oy.

As far as the future with your H, it sounds like he knows nothing more than you do, so it's definitely not something you should be bringing up. You worry about YOUR future. I know it is hard to live with uncertainty, but I look at it this way. Sitting in this ambiguity is better than the certainty of D, and it gives you a chance to look at the things in yourself that you can change/improve. I have taken to planning 48 hours in advance, and, even though I usually like to plan months ahead, I am really OK with this.

You had lots of good things this week! I am in better shape than ever too, and it is really nice to feel good about yourself physically, isn't it? And compliments never hurt, either.

I don't really understand your H's complaints about you and the M. Because you said something positive about something you didn't like? That sounds pretty lame. Did he give you any more details than that? He may be grasping at straws to justify his A. What do you see as the problems in the M?

He lives in a town that I want to visit in the next few weeks- it has a big Christmas market. he said no
which is no staying with him.

but I want to go to the town anyway.
Do I just go, stay with a friend and come back home and let him know later, or not at all??

If the Christmas market was in another town equally as far away, would you go? Or are you secretly hoping that he may change his mind, or maybe you will run into him? If you really want to go and it has nothing to do with H, then go ahead, but at the very least don't tell him beforehand, as he will probably take that as pressure.

Is there a chance this is salvagable.. I am working on myself, GAL and having coaching but I miss him who he was and how it was between us.

Who knows? I guess there is always a chance, right? I know you want someone to say yes, yes, this will work, because that will give you the strength and the stamina to keep standing for your marriage, but the fact is, nobody knows! Not you, not your H, and nobody on this board. You are better off focusing on the process, your goals, and your successes than on the outcome. The outcome may or may not be what you want, and may not be known for a long while, so you can't let that guide your thoughts or actions.