I've looked at life from both sides now

[Ambivalent]

Okay T.

I hear you. I don't know if I can come to the place where you are so quickly, at least not so "early" in the journey. It is hard for me to swallow that we are in essence "divorced". As I write this , I just got that pain in my stomach.

It is hard because mine comes across so logical and thinking. So when he lies, it is seen as a cognizant choice. It is the choice to deceive, not about what he chooses to conceal.
Especially when I say I only ask for honesty.

I know not all illnesses can be seen with our eyes, so it is harder than Hell to keep hurt down when they act this way.

He is the oddball MLC'er. He apologizes, he is kind, he gives compliments ( when he never did before), he is there if needed. He wants therapy, and he is open about confusion. So deception is truly like chewing a mouthful of Bayer.

I'm trying to let this go. I will have to revisit if or when we R. For trust is something that is very precious to me. One of my core values. I'm not saying that he is a horrible person, I'm just saying that it is something that I truly value, and would like to have in a future relationship.