and thanks for permission to not figure out one darn ting today- i get tired of allll the strategy. i think i don't have one morsel of strategy left,
ya gotta wonder - the worrying. how in the world i spent soo much time worryin about everything in the universe. i was big wiorruer as a kid- i just felt worried. idk how the heck a kid can get to be a worryier. like as a child we can control even less than we can as an adult- and that's not too darn much. oh well huh?
just wanna throw in- i was always happy as a kid. i think i was always happy as an adult- even when i was unhappy- i'd say overall i'm a happy person.
last couple years - feeling unhappy - sure was/is icky. i wonder if it could all happen again tomorrow? i was looking at a brochure from the sr citrizen office- about depression and reading it out loud to my niece and laughing because - no kidding- about 8 of the 10 things applied to me - like, last year, in the pits of this mlc-reaction period. no serious thought ever tho of ending it all. (that's gotta be worth sompthin?)
i sure hope to never feel like that again . it's the thing of not enjoying things you enjoy- eeeek... awful. i hated feeling sooooo badly- i hope to never go there again.
i'm reading a good book at the moment - happiness - philosophy, etc... the guy is saying to "talk himself down" if something is going on and he's getting freakie - telling himself "at this moment everything is going fine and nothing bad is happening" -
it's true- i need to stop sometimes and remember that. the whole imagination & worry- sheesh...
oh well- at this moment it's a nice nice late afternoon - day was nice & warm & a pleasant surprise. garden looks tidier because we raked alot yesterday and clipping around . i should be feeling stress to be heading out of town in a few days- and leaving my mom & so on (lots of "stuff" there) and i just don't feel it. i just don't care.
lets hope that stays.
hope your day is good man- always nice to hear your "voice". xxoo
