"You're My Best Friend"

[reachingHigher]

Hi tigerlily! Thanks for your post! I'm so glad you find some encourgement here. There is a wealth of support and insight to be gathered here on this forum and in the archives. I am so sorry you are at a place you have to be here....but I know you will be okay as you journey .

Hi Ambiv!

I will sit down and digest your sitch tonight or tomorrow and get back with you. It's scary having a name to apply to a fear: Julie.

I can tell you there were a lot of strange things I saw on our computers until my H got better at hiding things. Risqué pics of him in the photo galleries (he claims they were to send to me), emails from strange women names insinuating they were having affairs with my H. When I would question him about it, the emails would disappear. I know he had another private third email account, etc... so many things to make one wonder.

Just summarizing in my mind what helped me in general, since a year ago at this time, I had signed D papers.

From the suggestions and help here on this forum:

1) hired a DB coach, 3 sessions, although one is better than none.

2) identified areas where I had failed in the M and gave specific heartfelt apologies to H and changed my ways in those areas

3) always tried to look good, smell good, etc.

4) tried to give as much freedom as possible. He admitted to his C this was the case "my W has not denied me anything."

5) had fully accepted we were going to D

6) tried to identify what my H's major issue was and trigger (trigger was sister's death and issue is who is in control of his life). It helped me with compassion.

7) tried to stick to the DB program as much as I could

Just some things off the top of my head that did have an impact on our sitch. Sitting in limbo land feeling like a doormat is awful. These were specific things I did that helped us along and would like to thnk they helped my H as much as me.

Hang in there, girl!