GUILT IS IT A GOOD SIGN?

[Ambivalent]

TORTURE, I just wrote 25 mins of update, and I accidentally close!d the window. UUUUUgh!

After the hunt, H. came to house.

He brought in his overnight bag and said he was going to use the bathroom upstairs.

I went up there to get stuff out of the bathroom, and continued to tidy upstairs. We chatted about his job, my dancing, casual. He was very specific in wanting details about where my dances were. He was also looking at the phone and texting simultaneously.

I told him I wanted to talk about something and it may be uncomfortable.

I asked where we were with "dating" and casual sex. What were his thoughts.

His reply was that while he is "meeting" people he is not engaged in sex. He is taking care of himself. He didn't feel comfortable leading anyone on, since we are still married.

He didn't want to keep me from any activity if that was what I was asking.
I said I just wanted to know in case I want to jump your bones, would I need protection? He smirked/grinned giggled and did not say he didn't desire me. I said I had been reading and researching and let him know I was interested. Not pushy, just in a flirty kind of way. Let him know I was wearing different undergarments and how they made me feel.
His eyes flashed and he said "GOOD!" in a higher pitched tone.

A phone message that Julie called came while we were talking. I took the opportunity to confront him about what I just saw on his phone.

I said "...when he was in the bathroom a Julie, called and that I wanted us to be open and honest in our communications. "

He agreed, and again said he ..." didn't want to lead "anyone" on."

Went into too much detail about how he felt about engaging in casual sex or getting involved, that he was meeting different people...MIND READING ALERT...I

I don't believe a word he says, which is sad, because it was a very calm, matter of fact type of conversational tone from me and a great opportunity to be truly open. Either not feeling safe, or fear of shutting a door?

We talked about finances and he made an attempt at softening the exchange we had in text about " make some money " and his grumpy tone.
We went through the mail together, and discussed that I should go and get a checking acct with a debit card. We had discussed this in the past. NOTE TO SELF ****

DO IT !

He said he has an appt. next week with his counselor and I was casual about it. I hope it goes well and he can grow .

While he was upstairs looking up rental cars for our oldest I went downstairs to clean the kitchen a bit.

As he was getting ready to leave, I got a quick body scan. He came over and kissed me on the mouth...I lingered and lightly sucked on his lower lip. His response was "troublemaker" in a playful and flirty tone.

At the gate he asked me if he wanted me to bring anything for Thanksgiving, we exchanged back and forth and he left with a smile and good frame of mind.

That was just the start of my day.