I've looked at life from both sides now

[Raine]

Hey Mr Young thanks for your post. I'm glad you did, so I can add in some clarifications. I don't want anyone thinking I'm throwing in any kind of towel. I'm still two feet in the door, being that lighthouse, doing everything that I can to save the M and get him through this. Not a lot we can do, but I am and I am willing.

Yes, it's total human nature to want more, but I've also seen a bit of the other side. I've seen there are amazing men out there who would give their right arm to be with someone like me. I'm not settling for H if he can't do the work. If he just can't get there. I'm not doing this for the rest of my life. When I'm willing to work my ass off to be part of an amazing relationship, I want someone else who is too.

And do I think H can get there? Yeah, I do. Looking and my plot graph, my trajectory says yes. But I matter in all this. And yes if at some point I come to the conclusion that this is as good as it gets and I'm still in a relationship where I'm giving all to an incredibly self absorbed and selfish person, I'm okay to walk away.

That there is the mindset that keeps me strong and in it. Because I can do anything temporarily. I can tell myself for this moment in time you don't matter and your feelings and needs are on the back burner. But that will not always been the case. It keeps me from pinning hope on him.

No, I don't need the apology or acknowledgment or anything at this time. I'm certainly not in the market for the continuous jokes about it. Most times I don't know how to react to them. But it is interesting to see the shreds of admittance there isn't it? I think the readers of this tale will agree. But if not, I'll leave them out of the next chapter.

Hugs to you my friend!