I have been doing a lot of soul searching on my role in our marriage breakdown. I hope to talk more about this in IC but right now she is more interested in helping me deal with an alcoholic. Her advice us similar to what I am getting here and from DR. 1. Take everything he says with a huge grain of salt. 2. Don't ask questions about his activities or OW. 3. Do not engage when he is drinking/mean.
So here is what I have discovered about myself. I hold grudges about things I probably never should have been mad about in first place.
1. His drinking. I never acknowledged it is a disease. 2. Money. He has lost 3 jobs since we have been married. I have at times worked 2 while he wasn't working. I know I wasn't supportive and made him feel bad about not providing enough. 3. While he wasn't working I expected him to do majority of taking care of house and I'm sure I wasn't nice about it.
So when he says I don't value him or appreciate him I can see how he thinks that. I must have been a real b***.
So I am mad at him and at the same time I think I put up a wall if protection because he is super mean when he drinks and said a lot of things that fed into my insecurities. ..
I still don't get how he cannot acknowledge his part but that seems to be a common thread among WAS.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
