Moved Back from Overseas to Figure This Out...

[S4tk]

My first thread is here. I started a new one because my old thread began more as sort of a Q&A about the DB process.

First Thread

To briefly catch everyone up, W and I and D5 and S1 lived in Europe doing NGO/mission work and she dropped the bomb in July. 2 months of pleading, trying to "diagnose" her (me) and panic attacks and extreme anxiety (her) and other stuff followed before we decided to move back Stateside.

One of us needed to fly back there to wrap things up and pack, and we decided W would do it. So she has been gone the last two weeks.

W flew in today and I picked her up at the airport. In the hour drive home from O'Hare, she didn't stop talking about her trip, our friends she saw, the experiencing of packing our stuff, etc. etc. She was very talkative and it was a peaceful ride home.

On the way to pick her up, I was debating between reaching in for a hug when she arrived, or even asking her, "If you would choose to allow it, I would love to hug you because it is really good to see you." But as I pulled into the parking lot, I decided to do neither. I thought that if it were rejected, that would set a bad tone. I also thought about the non-pursuit thing. Decided to be a good DBer.

(I still am debating this non-pursuit in my heart because I don't know whether to go LRT or do the more "be present and loving" 180s since W is still living with us, and since there is no A to my knowledge. But at any rate, it made sense with the hug decision).

So when I saw her coming from customs, I just waved and she saw me. When she approached, she reached out and hugged me and said, "It's good to see you." I responded with the same, made a few jokes and then thanked her because she brought my guitar as a carry-on instead of shipping it sea-rate which is how most of our stuff is coming.

Then the whole way home she was casual and talkative. I barely initiated at all, but I was as good a listener as possible while driving home in rush hour. I just mentioned a few things about how excited our D5 is to see her, and empathized with her as she explained some of the shipping difficulties.

So I am thankful I didn't reach in for the hug

I know none of this might mean anything for the R, but at the very least it made for a peaceful evening.

s4tk