I love this. It actually made me laugh out loud, the way you spelled it out. It's a great ambition - now just to put it into action . . .
To the OP - I understand your frustration with respect to the need for more attention, and now the need for space. It' hard to show her the attention you would pay her in the M if she has asked you to not pay attention to her.
I have struggled with this a lot, and I have decided to just figure it out as I go. One thing you can definitely do, is don't be on the computer when she is home. Maybe she will ignore you and pay you no attention, but then she sees that you are available if she wants it.
As for the rest of the stuff, my DB coach keeps telling me, "test and check, test and check." So - do something small to show her affection or attention or whatever it is she wants. See what she does. If she rejects it, pull back. If she seems to like it, try another small gesture.
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Are you saying i need to give more vague answers? Right now I feel like I'm an open book. She holds all the power, and probably for the first time in my life i feel small.
Yes, sort of. You cannot be an open book. You are correct, if you are an open book, she has all the power. She can't think that she can hold her cards close to the chest and expect to see all of yours. Now, you don't want to purposely be mysterious or try to play the jealousy card, or say, "I'm not telling you!" but if the opportunity arises to be vague, be vague. For example, when my H asked me where I went one night, I said, 'I went to get something to eat." I didn't say where I went or who I went with. If he had asked, I probably would have, but he didn't, so I left it at that. Also, as you already know, it's super important that she doesn't know you about the books you are reading, the forums you are posting on, how hurt you are (unless there is an R talk initiated by her, in which case you can decide whether to show your hurt - but if you do, make sure it is not long and drawn out). Just let her see that you are different to her, and out doing things, and let her wonder a little bit. If she doesn't want to be married to you, she has no business knowing all your business, right? I think that most WASs aren't going to acknowledge that they wonder or care by asking direct questions about how you are feeling or what you are doing, so they just won't ask.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
