Julie, this isn't a club anyone wants to join, but know that you are in the best possible place for help and support. Being on moderation stinks - just keep posting and you'll be off before you know it.
What did you fight about? How did you both forget about your anniversary???
I think that is pretty common for a WAS (especially a man) to want to get away so they can do whatever they want. (My H told me yesterday he is now trying to figure out whether he prefers 100% autonomy or the benefits of marriage.) They feel this way when they feel trapped. Getting out is what seems like the best and only option. And in order to do so, you have to be the scapegoat of all the problems and misery he is feeling.
Don't worry about messing up and doing all the wrong things at first - we've all done that! Your H will quickly see that you are no longer doing this - it would be impossible not to notice. I could tell a big relief in H and softening toward me very shortly after I stopped.
So you've done 180s. What about GAL? What have you done in that regard? Have you looked within yourself to see what part you played in the demise of the M? Surely it wasn't a one way street, but looking at his role in this won't help you. Right no, you can only work on you.
If the 180s make him mad, that doesn't mean you should quit. Mimi is so right, they almost all get mad about this. I think it has something to do with having finally convinced themselves that leaving is the only way out and the right thing to do, and now you're making it more difficult. Also, he most likely doesn't believe that it is actually real, but a ploy to get him to change his mind.
Hang in there, and while you are waiting to get off moderation, read, read, read! You will learn a ton in the threads here - lots of great advice from the vets.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
