I'm a very lucky person, but still fine tuning

[woundedfool]

Good grief! Well some women people love a project, and he certainly fits the bill. She can't fix him but she doesn't know that yet.

How about we say some "people"

Armchair psychology: I am to understand trying to fix him, is supposedly an attempt to avoid your own issues.

LOL! Good stuff! I like to jump on a 2 wheeled motorized conveyance and sling it across the blacktop with extreme prejudice, same kind of release

See forthcoming PM from me.

[woundedfool]

LOL! Good stuff! I like to jump on a 2 wheeled motorized conveyance and sling it across the blacktop with extreme prejudice, same kind of release

See forthcoming PM from me.

Hmmm.... sending PM's seem to be disabled for me (I have recieved some). FAQ's don't address it. Did I miss something?

[woundedfool]

OK lesson learned from DB tech support. There is no system for PM's.

LOL! Good stuff! I like to jump on a 2 wheeled motorized conveyance and sling it across the blacktop with extreme prejudice, same kind of release

So without going into the detail I wanted: YES! That same feeling of extreme prejudice has helped clear my head as well. Nothing quite like the turn of the right wrist to make you feel better after a call from a lawyer.

[woundedfool]

help... not sure what to do. exW and I were talking on the phone about something her attorney screwed up.... she starts breaking down and crying.

I had our child call her later to perk her up, and it helped.

she sent me a text this morning, telling me how unhappy she is, shes has failed as a mother, she doesn't know where the rent will come from next week, and she doesn't know how she will buy gifts for Christmas.

she completed the text with she. (i)" know its not your (refering to me) problem."

I don't have any idea what to say or do..... but it felt like shes at her bottom.

[MrBond]

She's not at the bottom yet. Stop trying to rescue her and be the 'Nice guy'.

[woundedfool]

need some advice: She has asked me to help her with a financial issue.

The old me wants to go and rescue, help, set something up, no questions asked.

The new me wonders if I would do the same thing for any other friend (some I would, some I wouldn't).

[woundedfool]

Papers have been signed, attorneys have been paid, accounts have been separated, lines of credit cancelled. Effectively, my marriage is over.

It is never the path I would have chosen in life, but whether it is health, employment/career, hitting the lottery.... many of life's situations we don't have the ability to control (as much as we hope and pray we can). And you know what? I am OK with it.

This is not my swan song, I would like to stick around and try my best to contribute and help as this forum is only as strong as its participants. So I thought I would post this hoping it helps someone, sometime.

Aside from running out and getting DB and DR (which you should do, and read immediately, and then re-read, and then re-read, wash rinse repeat).

Some things took too long to sink in, so I am re-posting things in the hopes other catch on quicker then I did as that would have saved me time and pain. Once they did sink in I could almost see a giant cartoon like light bulb turn on over my head:

1. Cadet welcomed me with

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Francis Bacon

Keep Posting but have patience for your posts to show up

Aside from googling: "who the hell is Francis Bacon" (for the record: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Bacon )
Time and patience are the keys here. You will not have your spouse run out and get a refund from the lawyer, change their mind as quick as they made it up. This is the beginning of a long process. Some will work out in a many months, some never will. And if they do work out, the old marriage/way will be a different version.

2. Memorize the 37 rules, there is a reason it is a sticky. http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2250607#Post2250607

I, for one, saved them to my phone, Kindle and printed a copy for my car, and one that was in my coat at all times.

3. Work on YOU!

a. As I state above reading DB/DR is working on you, so keep up with that.

b. Seek qualified help DB Coaching, counseling, support groups, pastoral care, etc.

c. Since this takes time (see #1), you will have all this "down time". Where traditionally you were used to coming home to dinner, going out, playing with the kids, etc. In my case custody is 50/50, so on my off weeks I was going crazy. Embrace something, anything: jump into a bowling league, join a gym, volunteer at the soup kitchen, take a 6 week foreign language class. In my case I have been working on finishing my degree and contemplating taking the GMAT or LSAT.

4. Keep an open mind about everything and don't close any doors. Never in a million years did I think I would EVER plant a garden Who knows... you might learn to play "Stairway to Heaven".

My big takeaway is that while my marriage is/was a part of me and the divorce is too. Do NOT let it define you, You have the power to write your own story. Use that power to create your own definition of you and where you are headed.

[AnotherStander]

Great advice! Very sorry to hear about your D, but it sounds like you're doing great!

[labug]

Very inspiring post.

[2BHappy]

Wounded

I was looking for posts about your current situation. I mean you help me soooo much and I just started to think,,,what is going on with you. I dont see any posts about yourself.

Not even sure how I could help,,,just wondering