One of the Problems that I am currently having is "going dark".
I feel like a big part of the initial issues that my wife had was that i neglected her, and that i wasn't around enough when she needed or wanted me.
But now she tells me that she needs space and doesn't want to feel suffocated.
I hear you on this one, I have felt the same in my sitch. Although, "Going Dark" may be too extreme in your sitch. Lovingly Detach is what I am doing. I just try not to let their or anyones sh!t mess with me anymore. Groov is happy, no matter what is spewing forth from anyone especially W.
This has been a huge 180 for me. As I have always been attentive to what others thought of me. Now I only care what I think of myself. I am working hard on only letting myself and (higher powers) define who I am.
I think in your sitch when your W reaches out to you, you be attentive, actively listening, Reflecting, Validating and if you can Empathize. It's not neglect if they want their space.
I hear you though, I struggle with the same complaints from my W.
Keep DBing, you read DR yet?
I think you are right, I really need to work on detaching more. I feel like i keep seeking approval from her and not getting it.
Another issue about detaching, is that i feel responsible towards my daughter to be available. It is really hard for me to just up and leave and not let them know where i am going.
I know that i need to stop making excuses.
I ordered:
DR the 5 love languages no more mr nice guy men are from mars
Any other suggestions?
Counseling was ok, I feel like we were able to have an honest conversation, and the counselor was able to ask questions to make us think. I just hope that it had the same effect on my W.
We have had a really rushed life. We met, 2 months later found out we were having a kid, got married a year later, and then bought a house in the 3rd year. We discussed how her current job is extremely stressful, and how she hates it, and resents the fact that i have not worked harder to find a better job. (She feels stuck in her job because I won't work to find a better one for myself)(she currently makes more money than I do)
With that knowledge, i spoke with my HR rep today at work. I asked what responsibilities i could take on, or what i needed to do to move up ( including make better money ). She was very receptive and is going to come up with a list of things i can do, as well as possible pathways to work towards. I will also be looking into other opportunities outside of the organization.
I heard a quote today. "what would you do if you werent afraid". I decided I no longer want to be afraid, and that I need to work towards my potential.
Thanks for listenening, and all suggestions are welcome
