[trying very hard]

So here goes…W dropped bomb on 8/18. I got sober on 8/25. I then begged and pleaded for about a month trying to save M. No interest on her part. I pushed her farther away. She stayed committed and strong with intention to leave me with help from girlfriends. Meanwhile, I discovered phone records and texting daily from family friend. Then cards with romantic language, etc. Initially, W lied about relationship but eventually came clean and admitted it was an EA, nothing physical to date as he is 2000 miles away. W then asked for divorce but financial situation and bankruptcy has our hands tied for the next 22 months. No divorce until bankruptcy is completed as we would lose the house and neither of us wants that. I want to reconcile, W does not. She said too much pain from many years of emotional neglect and said that EA is only secondary. I have been in therapy since the first week after bomb dropped and doing remarkably well…to the point of W saying that she will be the bad guy when all is done.
Cohabitating so far and it has been a bumpy ride, but we remain amicable. Communication is getting better but more so as friends. We have a targeted 1/1/14 apartment lease date and a nesting arrangement planned for at least six months. Read Divorce Remedy and I have been using the last resort technique and trying to implement a 180 by remaining positive in the face of turmoil and I have left the EA situation alone except for a handful of ill-timed outbursts. W is noticing positive changes but does not believe now that it can be sustained long term. She is also angry that I got sober and transformed myself as a result of her threats to leave. W feels like if she tells me that I have improved or gives any encouragement that it is a weakness on her part and gives me false hope.
Used a divorce mediator this past week to craft a separation agreement for the nesting plan. Finances are cool, custody is 50/50 and the nesting plan calls for 50/50 usage of the apartment. W balked in the meeting that I should be in the apartment full time for the first month. And then 3 weeks per month thereafter. Obviously not the 50/50 that the agreement calls for. Does this make sense to anyone? W also suggested that we include dating others in the agreement, but discretely and only on our own time. The mediator encouraged us to leave it out of the agreement and do what we want. Have others seen this during separation? Do I continue with my 180 and leave it alone? Do I stand a chance of reconciling during time apart if the EA continues? Not like I have much of a choice.
Remaining positive and focused on staying the course for the kids and my own wellbeing even if divorce is at the end of the road. Time would appear to be on my side, as any divorce proceedings are almost two years away.