Need support! Conflicted H

[Junsui]

My hesitation to end the marriage has mostly stemmed from three things:
1) The religion H and I belong to is very against D. There is a bit of a stigma about D people... I thought M was forever, and so in terms of forever I wanted to be very sure there's no way to save it before I let go.
2) H talked me into taking out loans to support lifestyle. As I mentioned, they're all in my name. I want him to take half the debt since he wanted the loans in the first place. However, I know this is my bad, and maybe I will just have to eat it and learn from it as you say.
3) Even still, I genuinely care about H.

However, I know that it's pretty much crossed over into an unhealthy situation for me. At this stage, I'm mostly DBing to get myself in a better state of emotional/mental health. I really want to understand what I did that contributed to the M failing so that next time I am more aware. Since I can't really afford to file anyway until I get a job, that's sort of become my "deadline" for seeing if H makes any progress in a positive direction at all.