Shutting the F*ck Up

[Pudmuddle]

Now, it isn't simply the time that has passed. It is all that has passed between us. I know more or less the truth now - there was an OW for much longer than he ever admitted to and she was not the first he tried, the complete abandonment when my parent was dying and the way he turned his back on my pain (and the panic attacks). I am working on forgiveness but to invite that back into my life?

I don't know.

Did anyone else find that the cheating wasn't the worst part? I feel worse about the abandonment at a time when I could truly have used a friend.

And is it also strange that part of the reason I have agreed to talk to him is because I don't want to hurt HIS feelings? I mean, get real. He sure did not have any consideration for me.

Hello Portia. The above is EXACTLY one of the things I struggle with too. My H was also not there for me when my father was dying, and in ways that hurt worse than losing my father. He also has had OW or Floormop as I like to call her, for longer than he will admit. This explains a lot of his emotional removal when I was going through some really rough times.

I want to stand for my marriage, but this is always in the back of my brain as something that is really hard to accept. He did apologize once for this in our early post-BD days, but it was so unfeeling and insincere, it felt like an afterthought. Like Oh yeah sorry about this. I agree this hurts worse than the BD and Floormop sitch.

I'm not sure I have advice on this as this is something I still struggle with deeply and we are not anywhere near where you and your H are right now. I will be following your sitch to gain insight into this. I'm so sorry about your parent dying, I understand the complete grief that you are going through.

Take care.