On the brink...

[NTX_Dad]

I think the LBS initially doesn't realize the pain the WAS was feeling in the M. The pain they feel (real or not) is excruciating... so much so that they took a huge gamble to throw it all way and make a drastic move of leaving. I'm not saying that LBS is always right and the WAS is wrong, both contribute to the failure of a marriage. Usually the LBS is stunned and clueless that the WAS felt bad enough to leave so they want to blame it on some type of mental illness. And it's that exact complacency of the LBS that probably contributed to the failure of the marriage.

Sorry, Jon, I don't mean to hijack your thread. Just wanted to thank NTXD for this piece of wisdom - it's something I need to keep reminding myself of whenever I feel angry and hurt about how he seemingly has this grand life now while I struggle at home alone. I was definitely complacent and thought when he would complain about things that he was just being dramatic. Maybe to me, it was dramatic (as in I wouldn't have been so upset about things), but to HIM it wasn't. I didn't do a good job of validating or understanding his feelings in our M. Gotta do that now.

Melissa - no problem, I am glad I can share and help.

It was a painful but amazing journey for me. Now that I survived and have made it to the other side, I am amazed at how different my perceptions and thoughts were compared to "reality". I've had several conversations and discoveries with my W over the past year and I recall how I felt at the time and my thought process, and see how different it was from the truth of what was really going on.

I'm not Psychologist, but I assume it's just the body's way of dealing with stress. I think our brains kick into full gear and all sorts of thoughts and assumptions race through your mind trying to reassure yourself and calm the pain, so it makes up excuses and irrational thoughts.

I sometimes hurt and want to cry when hear how my W felt leading up to, and during our sitch. I never realized how much pain she was feeling, and how scared she felt going through our sitch.

I guess one of the take aways from this for me was that I need to put myself in her shoes when situations arrive. Everyone has their own thoughts and feelings, and they are as real and important to them, as mine are to me.