I do feel some form of anger thinking that the family still blames me for all of this.
Well that does sound like mind-reading, but regardless, it doesn't matter. Live your life. Be the best "you" that you can be. If people don't respect, admire and accept you then that's there issue to deal with, not yours.
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* Do I tell my boys about this? Or do I let them find out in there own way - which usually means the family (in laws) will tell them.
They are adults, I think they would appreciate hearing it from you. Don't fill in any blanks for them, tell them exactly what you know (only the facts, no suppositions) and let them reach their own conclusions.
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* I do find it very funny (it a strange way) that the W is already having issues about wanting to come back home to the city at the end of the next year, but the other woman doesn't want to leave the country.
Personally I don't think it's really relevant that the OP is a woman, your W is still in the puppy love phase of the affair and once that wears off and reality sinks in the affair will not be the nirvana she thinks it is.
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* Do I tell the W I know she is in a relationship? What do I say if I do tell her?
No, keep contact to "bills and boys".
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While it is such a relief to have this come out, it has also made me think I have spent 13 months not necessarily doing the wrong thing, but could have been doing something differently.
100% of WAS's are involved in an affair, even if it's an imaginary one. Your sitch didn't change, just your perception of it.
