Definitely do what you need to do to protect yourself financially. IMO he is taking advantage of you, and if you are now separated you should not be paying for any of his expenses.
WRT the texting, this is a VERY common thing to happen with a WAS -- you will respond to their texts/emails right away, and they will never respond to yours. There are two things you can do: (1) just expect that they will never respond to your texts, so don't use text for anything that requires an answer -- do it in person or on the phone via a conversation. (2) set a boundary and tell H that if you text, you expect a response within 24 hours. If he does not respond, then you will cease to text with him at all, because you will not be disrespected.
It does sound like you have a major issue with "negative sentiment override", and say that H has characterized you as abusive. Regardless of how true or untrue that may be, what is his perspective on it?
What happened to create this negative sentiment override?
There are several schools of thought about maintaining a happy marriage. The Gottman Institute says that in a "happy" marriage, positive interactions outnumber negative interactions by a ratio of 20:1. In a "maintainable" marriage where neither party is overly happy but willing to sustain the marriage, the ratio of positive interaction to negative interaction is 5:1. If the ratio is below 5:1, their research indicates that the marriage is doomed to dissolve. Negative interactions are defined as complaints, criticisms, condemnation, belittling, ridicule, ignoring and stonewalling, etc. Positive interactions would be encouragement, nurturing, speaking primary love languages, mutually enjoyable activities, etc.
Others use the model of a "love bank" or "love tank" and set up a system of deposits and withdrawals. If your withdrawals eventually outweigh your deposits, the bank will empty and your spouse will no longer feel loving attachment to you. The counter side to this is the notion of a "resentment tank". Once the love tank is empty, the resentment tank starts to fill.
When the resentment tank overflows, it can take a very long time to draw that down, and as long as there is a balance there, it's impossible to start filling up the love tank again. Your efforts are, in effect, blocked.
This seems to describe your H's mindset, how did that happen? This could be directly because of you and your behaviors, it could be the result of major defining events in your marriage, it could be the accumulation of many small hurts, or it may have nothing to do with you -- your H could have his own issues that you just become a lighting rod for -- in effect, you had no way to win from the start.
What is your take on that? How did this large resentment balance accumulate?
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
