In other news, I was both upset and distressed by my family Sunday. Months ago, I made plans for the holidays, somewhere warm with a view of the ocean. I told my family I needed to get away and that I would not be visiting. So what do they do? Make plans to go away. Worse yet, they made plans to be in the exact same city! I couldn't believe it! They were like, isn't that great? Then they started right into how I could or could not spend my time while they were there. It is against forum policy to say what I was thinking. Suffice it to say, I am scrambling to make other arrangements. I am very upset that they did not respect my wishes for some personal space.
Well that's weird about your family booking in the same place. Maybe next time only tell them right before you leave. I hope you find a new place to go that you will enjoy, I think that would be a much needed break for you.
I'm glad to see you more positive about stepping off the coaster. It does help, keep going Dragon!
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Well that's weird about your family booking in the same place. Maybe next time only tell them right before you leave. I hope you find a new place to go that you will enjoy, I think that would be a much needed break for you.
I'm glad to see you more positive about stepping off the coaster. It does help, keep going Dragon!
It's not looking very promising. I checked dozens of destinations, with hundreds of hotels and they are all booked for one holiday or the other. I may just tell my family I made other plans and proceed with the ones I already made. I don't like being dishonest, but I don't appreciate my feelings being ignored. I really need the escape.
So today I was suppose to have lunch with my W. She came to me and wanted to know where I wanted to go and how long we would be. I said it didn't matter where, but why did it matter how long. She replied she wasn't feeling very well, something about a migraine coming on. I'm surprised she didn't just try to back out. I told her we could postpone it for when she feels better. When I asked her if the change in weather or dry air from heating was responsible, she confessed she had not been turning on the heat in her apartment. Needless to say I was a little alarmed because it has been getting near freezing at night. She says she can't afford it. She then said maybe she would bring lunch to the house Saturday and left work early.
This evening she emails me that she is terribly sick to her stomach, vomiting, etc. I empathized, replying that she must feel miserable. I told her to let me know if there is anything I can do. She asked me to cover for her at work if she was still feeling sick tomorrow. I said I would. I told her to get well soon.
Today reminded me of how unhappy I had been in our R. After her health, her work, and her chores, there was very little of her for me. I felt like some chore she would get to if everything else was taken care of. Based on the 5LL, I know quality time is important to me. I know I expressed that to her in one form of another, but she just dismissed it. Even thought that was a great thing about our R that we could be so independent. I didn't feel like I was as important to her as all the other things her life.
Not much contact with W today. She emailed me first thing this morning to say she was doing better and that she would be coming in to work. I replied that I was glad she was feeling better. After running an errand and checking on some things at work, I stopped by to see how she was doing. She still didn't feel 100%, but she was functioning. She seemed to have determined the cause of her digestive distress. I told her it must be nice to know so she can avoid it in the future and I went about my business. I didn't see her or hear from her for the rest of the day.
She is suppose to have lunch with me tomorrow. I don't really know that she will follow through. This is what our R relationship has been reduced to: D pending with the possibility of lunch. Sounds like a terrible movie.
So W stopped by the house today. Seemed generally pleasant. She asked me if I was mad at her for stopping by. I use to think I was somehow giving her this impression, but I know even my body language is not mad. I am very rarely a mad person. I can only guess that she expects me to be mad. I responded that I was not mad. She made some dig suggesting I have been mad in the past. After that exchange, she seemed to settle in, petting the cat, talking about work, etc. Nothing R related. We had lunch. A simple sandwich for myself and a salad for her. After the work related conversation ran its course, we just sat there. I didn't prompt her or try to keep the conversation going. She then decided it was time to leave, but put it off as the cat was interested in playing. When she did leave, it was a simple "bye" and a wave as she drove away. I just feel so empty after these exchanges. Things could go on like this indefinitely except the divorce clock is ticking. I need to come up with something I will do differently to see if she responds differently. As long as this has been going on, her actions are not nearly enough for me.
