At this point I feel like I am all over the place. I have been reading "Divorce Remedy" and lurking for a few weeks.
Here is my situation
Me 42 H 40 M 10 T 12 S 18 and S 15 (his) S 9 (ours)
We have had our ups and downs over the last few years but I always thought that we were connected, a team. Our fights were bitter and we would both say things we regretted later. H drinks and gets mean and I never learned how to walk away from a fight. My fighting style is big and then it's over. Last spring we had a a health scare that that turned out to be nothing. However, it seemed like overnight we were back to the way we were the first few years if marriage.
Sept- we both forgot our anniversary. I brought it up next day.. we were busy with work, kids etc. Let's plan something. He says the fact that we forgot made him realize how miserable he has been. He just wants to be happy. He just wants to be free to "do whatever he wants."
I do everything wrong. Suggest MC, offer articles for him to read, ... he completely shuts me out. Starts sleeping in spare bed, suddenly has phone password protected, starts going out every night for 2 hour walks with dog. Starts drinking nightly sitting in his car.
Oct. Confirm EA through phone records. He denies. He says he has never been happy with me. Somehow I have simultaneously ignored him and completely controlled him. All of our problems are my fault.
Again I do everything wrong. Beg, plead. demand he stop talking to her. He says he loves ne and wants to work on marriage but doesn't follow through and says it is all about me trying to control him.
I started IC and reading DR. Try a 180 on my behavior. Stop being needy and and clingy. Stop asking about OW (even when I found an unopened box of condoms in our trash) Started trying to really listen to him. Ask him questions about his day. Told him I have finally let go of anger I have been holding because hitting rock bottom has made me see the part I played in marriage problems.
This is all wrong too and makes him mad.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
