I haven't had a thread for a bit but started one today. I woke up this morning to hear on the news that our Canadian Disaster Relief team is heading to SDA Lady's home city in the Philippines. Apparenlty, half a million people have been left homeless, almost 70,000 homes destroyed and 150 people are dead. SDA Lady's whole family lives there. Her Dad is a bedridden stroke victim and her daughter is...well, her daughter. OMG, I'd googled during this crisis and found no mention of her home city and felt relieved...and today I find out the place is devastated. I feel like I've been hit by a truck and am having a very difficult time keeping it together today. She was a very special part of my life and I know her family, I've talked to them on Skype, I've heard about the details of their lives. Today is SDA Lady's birthday and she may not even know whether her family is dead or alive. OMG. I've messaged her on FB and asked about her family and expressed my concern. I'm waiting to hear back from her. Tears just keep coming up, I had to step out of a meeting this morning when these thoughts came. I feel so sad.
Wii - So sorry to hear this. All of the images I have seen regarding the damage there have certainly been devastating. I was glad to see we finally have naval assets on the coast there to start helping out as much as we can. I cannot imagine what those folks went through with that storm. I hope all is well with SDA lady's family! Prayers to her and her family and for you as well.
If we were together I could rush down, hold her in my arms and comfort her...but we're not. What's appropriate here? I dunno but that sure isn't! Right now I'm just all feeling, no intellect but I also know I have to be real careful here. We'll see what she says tonight. I hope and pray so much that all is well.
Just be there for her as you would for any friend. Ask her if there's anything you can do or if she just needs someone to talk to. I'm sure she is very stressed at being so far away, and probably out of touch communications wise, from her family during this time.
i think its appropriate to go over the boundaries of an "x-couple" in cases like this. keep it as a concerned friend, but i think you can ignore "I cant contact her directly" rules. She must be going crazy and could use any and all support she can get.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
Sorry to hear about SDA lady's family. I really like what Gineen said to you. Sometimes the best friend in the world is the one who doesn't want to fix anything, but just lets you be yourself when you're a mess. You know?
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
FWIW, I think it is a loving and appropriate thing to comfort a friend UNLESS she has asked for no contact or unless you think it would hurt her or you.
I take it you would not be reaching out to her to promote your own agenda -- to make her think twice, to show her how great you are, to make her need you, to show her how dumb she was not to work things out with you, to get her family on your side... Early in the process, it's pretty normal for LBS's to latch onto these moments to advance their own agendas even as they feel like the noble holier-than-though suffering martyred LBS. THOSE are the times in which it is inappropriate to reach out.
But, I hear not a smidge of that coming from you. There is someone you care about facing unknown loss. It seems you have a genuine wish to offer simple comfort stemming from compassion. I think it would be fine to take her a comforting something-to-eat or drink, give her a hug, be there, and listen.
Thanks everyone. No OT I have no agenda. I was the one who broke up with her but it ended cordially, if one can call it that. We are still FB friends and have connected twice in the past three months, once initiated by me and once by her. In our R she was very dependent on me and it became a real issue which never seemed to get resolved. So my thoughts are that if she is reaching out to others within her community then that's great. She has many friends and the Filipino community is very supportive of each other. I don't want to stick my nose in and divert that good stuff. But I am concerned and do care very much for her (still love her really!)but have no thoughts of re-igniting anything. I just want to be a good person and support someone I care about...even just a little bit.
