How do you learn to trust again? That was the big question I had. Here is how I did it...
I let someone in slowly. In our very first conversations I listened carefully & even jotted down a few facts as they were revealed such as where he lived, who he worked for etc & I did check out those facts as best I could. I paid attention - watched out for contradictions. And the same when we met in person. I looked for those little mannerisms that indicate deception. And in my mind - I guess I ruled out "axe murderer" but how could I be sure.
I guess you keep paying attention & slowly let the other person prove themselves. But really - is there any sure way? Nope! Because we trusted our pauses & in many cases they were honest & true for years (though I've learned things since we split that indicate earlier deceptions that I was oblivious to)
I had a receptionist who worked for my business who also became my friends. I had known her for 10 years or so before she worked for me and she worked for me for about 19 years. During the last 2 years she started leaving work after I left (she was in charge of staying a couple hours longer & closing). She wrote in hours she wasn't there. The other employees began telling me. And money started disappearing. She was the only one with access. Ultimately (after much agonizing & questioning myself) - I confronted her (she denied everything) & let her go. Could I have seen that coming? I think not.
So sometimes we just have to give people the benefit of the doubt but not give away too much before we are sure. Trust has to be earned and when they break thar trust - let them go.
