Had a chance to help someone today, Didn't really think about it until she said thank you so much! She was in a class of mine and is "out there" working.
We chatted a bit and she asked how I was. I told her about "us" and I didn't choke up, I was matter of fact and even had a sense of humor.
She said " boy something to look forward to " . I told her I hope not. I even shared about their experimenting phase and personas. I told her that I was trying to step back and give him the freedom to do what he needed to do without me having a puss face or being judgmental.
I concluded with I'm trying to be what I would want if I was the one in crisis. Wham!
Yes I've said it out loud, not just in writing! It felt good. I do want H. to feel loved and able to feel that there is a place to come, and that he can s l I d e back without fear.
I just wish it wouldn't take years
Hopefully, I can get stronger everyday, and allow the process to work. It is hard, but I owe it to him. I strongly believe he would be there for me. What kind of person would I be if I didn't give it all that I have? I would be a crappy spouse. This is where I can show him my love. It isn't syrupy, it isn't sexual, it isn't clingy. It is unconditional .
Our marriage was a root-bound plant . For a root-bound plant to grow, it has to be uprooted and placed outside. It will be in shock for awhile, but eventually it will recover and survive. With sun and nurturing it will grow and thrive. This is hopefully what will happen with us.
This is my hope, and I need to keep growing and gain more strength. With your support I will.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
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Be kind to yourself. I think you are very hard on yourself and you need to be focusing on what makes you happy and whole right now. Your h is in the very capable hands of the man upstairs.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am putting forth the effort. I have to push myself to grow. Today I made a big step.
My daughter who is floundering and working in a groc. store called today. We got talking, she said she loved her new job and feel comfortable there. I'm truly happy for her.
I then asked after she told me all of her stuff, if she had let them know she wanted full time and into mngmnt?
Well she got very defensive and expressed that she feels pressure when I ask questions. Well she is an adult in her twenties and I just said ...Okay, no problem!
We continued on, and had a pleasant conversation...it was killing me, but I DID IT !
One step at a time. I WILL get there, come Hell or high-water.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambivalent, I'm going to toss something out to you and I want you to truly take some time and think about it. You mentioned that you are having Thanksgiving at your home. Is that correct? If so, I think it would be a nice gesture to invite your h for the family dinner. Now, he may decline, but the offer would be on the table and he can make the decision as to whether or not he comes.
Sometimes, we have to swallow a bitter pill in order to help us heal and grow.
Think about it...I think it sends a signal of "the candle is in the window to guide him home".
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Because it is a family event, I would offer up an invitation and let him decide if he wants to come or not.
I would phrase the invitation something like this: "h, we are planning to celebrate Thanksgiving at such and such time. If you would like to come, you are more than welcome." You leave it in his ball park to either accept or decline.
I seriously doubt that he would ask. I would invite him next weekend and leave it up to him w/no expectations.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
