GUILT IS IT A GOOD SIGN?

[Ambivalent]

Had a chance to help someone today, Didn't really think about it until she said thank you so much! She was in a class of mine and is "out there" working.

We chatted a bit and she asked how I was. I told her about "us" and I didn't choke up, I was matter of fact and even had a sense of humor.

She said " boy something to look forward to " . I told her I hope not. I even shared about their experimenting phase and personas. I told her that I was trying to step back and give him the freedom to do what he needed to do without me having a puss face or being judgmental.

I concluded with I'm trying to be what I would want if I was the one in crisis. Wham!

Yes I've said it out loud, not just in writing! It felt good. I do want H. to feel loved and able to feel that there is a place to come, and that he can s l I d e back without fear.

I just wish it wouldn't take years

Hopefully, I can get stronger everyday, and allow the process to work. It is hard, but I owe it to him. I strongly believe he would be there for me.
What kind of person would I be if I didn't give it all that I have?
I would be a crappy spouse. This is where I can show him my love. It isn't syrupy, it isn't sexual, it isn't clingy. It is unconditional .

Our marriage was a root-bound plant . For a root-bound plant to grow, it has to be uprooted and placed outside. It will be in shock for awhile, but eventually it will recover and survive. With sun and nurturing it will grow and thrive. This is hopefully what will happen with us.

This is my hope, and I need to keep growing and gain more strength. With your support I will.