Guess I belong here now...

[sweetbabyred]

Linda, thanks so much for checking in!

I had a great Halloween. I went with xh, ss, and two of xh's male friends trick or treating. SS lives almost two hours away, so it was a lot of time in the car, but it was well worth it.

I found out that ss will be moving back to ny later this month or by february. His mom isn't sure what the army is going to have them do. So I might not have that much time left with him before he goes and I want to make the most of it.

Linda, I'm glad that you don't necessarily agree with what I posted. I'd like to think that xh will realize how amazing I am if I'm nearby, but I'm not sure about that.

I did lrt last year for about six months when xh was involved with ow3. I only contacted him by email or text and only when it concerned a bill that he owed. He would contact me by phone, usually late at night, but I didn't start any conversations.

I think I'm doing ok in school. I haven't gotten any grades in one of my classes and both professors were mia for about a month. I'd love to keep my 4.0, but as long as I pass I should get my degree next May, so I'm trying not to stress about it too much.

Xh moved into his new apt early this week and I helped him a lot with that. Turns out his new sports car isn't too practical when it comes to moving anything of any substantial size! I did think it was odd that he kept asking for my opinion on how he should organize his kitchen cabinets and drawers.

He still has his "almost girlfriend" in fl, but I asked him not to call her in front of me because he wouldn't want me talking to guys in front of him. I can't stop him from moving on, but I don't have to hear about it. It was a small boundary, but he seems to be respecting it.

Every time I see him it's because he's asked me over, but part of me is wondering if he's just doing so because he's lonely and the other woman lives in another state and isn't there to give him attention. I can't mindread, so I just enjoy spending time with him when I can.

Linda, I appreciate any advice you can give. It's good to get an outside opinion. And you're doing a great job. Your h is lucky you haven't hit him over the head with a frying pan with some of the craziness he's been trying to pull in your house. Those salt shakers would have been "accidentally dropped" and broken if they were in my house!

[willbwell]

hi sbr, just reading your posts. your D seemed so quick- 2 months. My h has filed. know he 'd like it done by new year. I am also in school. Thank God for that. Keeps me busy and focused!what are you studying?

[sweetbabyred]

Hi willbewell!

Yes, our divorce was pretty fast because in Texas there is only a 60 day waiting period after filing. We didn't have children together and had been physically separated for almost two years, so there wasn't much to do.

Although I didn't help him file for divorce, I told him that I wouldn't fight against it. So I signed the papers agreeing to it and he went to court that day to finalize everything.

Since your h just filed last month and you have kids together, I highly doubt it'll be done by the end of the year.

I'm studying library science, although I'm considering another degree in counseling if I can find a way to pay for it. I love research and reference, so this seems suited for me.

[sweetbabyred]

I've been busy with school, work, and church lately. I've had some time to wonder if xh will ever decide to work on things again, but fortunately haven't wasted a lot of time on that.

I've had a few days when I think that maybe I should just move on and try to find someone else, but the last few days my horoscopes have seemed to tell me otherwise. I don't particularly believe in horoscopes, but I've been asking for signs that I need to keep on this path. I've pasted the horoscopes below so I can view them when I need encouragement.

"You are following a particular plan for a very specific reason. You may not yet be getting much by way of a result, but that doesn't mean you are making a mistake. Good things take time. Very good things can sometimes take an awful lot of time. When you are standing on top of a mountain, it is easy to plot a route through the valley ahead. When you are down in those dales, it is hard to remember quite how far you could once see. Yet you are much nearer this week, to your ideal destination than you were before."

"You have every reason to be disappointed that a certain dream has not reached fruition. You have every reason to fear that it will never be fulfilled as you had first envisioned. There are many people who will tell you that you might as well just give up. But that does not mean that you can't get what you want, Libra. That does not mean that you should abandon the goal of achieving something you have wanted for a long time. If you do, then your regrets will be real because you are getting close."

I haven't seen xh in almost a week, although we've texted briefly almost every day. He was disappointed to find out yesterday that he didn't get a job he thought he was perfect for. He seems to get his self esteem from his job and without one he isn't sure who he is.

Although I am concerned about him, I can't fix him. I'm working on myself and trying to finish up this semester. I'm so close to my grad degree that I can almost taste it.

Of course, I'd rather have my family together than a degree, but I can only control what I can. Hopefully I'll soon have a degree and a family again.

And I'm thankful that the holiday season is extremely busy in the marketing world, so I'll be swamped with work for the next 5-6 weeks. Then I need to come up with a plan for me and what I want in 2014.

[RosaLinda]

You are sounding pretty good here, Sweet Red! I find it interesting that your xH and you still text almost every day. Are you still trying to DB with these texts? Or do you feel like it's okay for you to initiate them? One of the things I miss so much about this DBing is being unable to be my spontaneous self. To send a funny or sexy text, to call H, to throw my arms around him, to demand a kiss and hug.

It's too bad he didn't get that job; I hear you about him, men in general I think, getting esteem from their jobs. How is your school work coming along? Are mid terms over and finals looming? It must be difficult to go to school and work full time.

I was interested to read your horoscopes. I am not sure I believe in astrology and horoscopes etc, but yours seem pretty specific to your sitch! When I was in England this fall, I had my Tarot cards read. She told me my H is having an affair, but that he really still loves me. And in the end, he will love me as his wife again and get over what ever he is going thru. Since she did not know me from Adam, I was really amazed at her reading.

I'd really really LIKE to believe her.

[sweetbabyred]

Linda, I really don't believe horoscopes either, but I look at them occasionally for fun. And when I noticed a theme over several days, I really hoped that maybe they could be true. Especially when they all had a positive outcome, even if it was a ways in the future.

I almost always let xh initiate the texts, unless there's something important I need to share. Now that we're divorced, not too much can't wait until he contacts me.

Last week he drove to fl to see fl girl because she apparently begged him and said she'd pay for his gas. he drove back fri and wanted me to go watch him play vball that night. I thought it was odd that he was asking me to go, but agreed to meet up after work. He picked me up at my place and that's when I found out about the trip.

On Sat I got to spend part of the day with ss12 who will be going back to ny any day now. I stayed over there and that night xh asked if I ever thought we could get back together. Then he said he often thought about it, but was sure we wouldn't work! I didn't say much, but did think it was interesting that he still thinks about us, even if it's negatively.

On Wed, he invited me over to dinner on Thursday. I went and had a good time, although he did do some texting. And he told me that fl is trying to get him to visit her again on monday.

It almost seems if he pokes his head out of mlc, but doesn't want to do the work to make a r work. Because he knows what could go wrong with us and what our problems were. With anyone else, it's exciting and new and he can just imagine that things will be perfect with them.

So now I'm trying to decide if I continue on with this strange friendship where it's almost like we're a couple, but we're clearly not and see what happens or if I decide that it's not enough for me and I want to find someone who can devote themselves to working on a r.

I have 3 weeks left in the semester and tons of work until the end of the year. It may be time to do a clean sweep in the new year. I don't want to lose him from my life, but I'm not sure how much longer I can wait to see if he grows up with no guarantee that he'll ever come back to me.

[sweetbabyred]

I forgot to mention, he made sure to give me his spare key to his apt. And when I mentioned a really great job in Houston he looked sad and said that he felt I was his only real friend so he'd hate for me to move.

If only he realized that I want to be more than that. And I deserve that.

I need to be patient, but it's been more than 2 1/2 years waiting to see if he wanted to do the work necessary for a real relationship. I'm not sure how much more I have left in me.

[sweetbabyred]

So I made it through Thanksgiving. The night before I talked to my MIL and youngest nephew on the phone. He's adorable and told me all about first grade. It was a little sad when he asked why I wasn't going to be there for Thanksgiving, but then he said maybe I could be there in the summer for his birthday again.

Thanksgiving morning I was a little sad, but decided to be productive and get some cleaning done. As I vacuumed, I was praying, asking if I should continue to stand for my M or if I should completely move on. I turned off the vacuum and heard someone sliding a flier through my front door. I thought it was odd that someone would be out on a holiday promoting a restaurant or similar, but then forgot about it.

A few minutes later, I went to get it from the door and saw that it was a religious brochure, asking if one believed in resurrection and the dead coming alive again. It sounds crazy, but I really do believe it was a sign that I'm not done yet.

But, the biggest part of standing is just being patient and continuing to work on myself. I can't rush anything and if it's meant to happen it will, but not in my timing.

I have 10 more days left in the semester, so that's my focus right now. Then I'll be able to relax for a few weeks, although I'll be busy with work til Christmas.

I have plenty of personal reading to catch up on and will hopefully have a chance to have a social life for awhile. I'm not holding my breath for a reconciliation, but I do still have hope.

Xh often mentions that he wonders if things would be different if we were still together. I usually don't comment, because there is no use wondering about it if he's not willing to try and see. And that's the only way to know if things would be different.

[RosaLinda]

Wow SweetRed, I believe in signs like that flier too. I did the same sort of praying the other day. Earnestly asked for a sign if I should continue to Stand. So I went downstairs and my H was laying on the couch wearing the puke green booties the Russian knit him, watching Russian TV. But he grunted in greeting. I went with the grunt and discounted the booties LOL! I have a lot of hope for your relationship. I wish I had some advice about how you can get out of the friend zone back into the dating zone. That big dope!

I'm glad you are almost done with school. I'm damned proud of my librarian friend, and jealous too, as you well know.

[sweetbabyred]

Linda, I hear you on the difficulty of figuring out which signs to believe and which to ignore.

On Black Friday I ordered a ton of books from a Christian website, mostly marriage/communication and devotionals, etc., but I did see one entitled "When prayers are not answered : finding peace when God seems silent". Needless to say, out of the 18 or so books I ordered, that one got canceled because it wasn't in stock. So I'm choosing to believe that God wants me to work on my relationship skills and my prayers are being answered.

Xh is driving back today (from Fl, presumably) and texted me this am asking to give him weather updates. I'd warned him on Monday that we were expecting bad weather and his sports car can barely handle rain.

As annoying as it is to be in "the friend zone", last year at this time he wasn't even talking to me because of ow, so it could always be worse, I guess.

I was approved for my degree plan earlier this week, so as long as I don't screw up this semester, I just have one class and an end of program exam (in Feb) til I'm done.

Linda, I'm so proud of you too. I'm not sure if I could have behaved as well with my h if he was still living with me while carrying on with his crazy friends.