Hi there im a newby who has just foundout today via an unattended phone and facebook what i had suspected but didnt believe to be true. The sitch is that approx 6 weeks ago i was advised that we need to take a break after 18 yrs together and 9 yrs of marriage. I had to go away for 2 weeks on business and used this time to get in touch with the inner me. I had realised that i had pushed away my wife both sexually and emotionally and also that i had not behaved in a positive manner. I had suffered from depression and isolated myself as i didnt think highly of myself at all. Upon my trip i discovered my true self and decided to make changes about myself that i felt i needed to make in order to make things work properly.
I returned with flowers on my knees to advise that i had booked myself into the doctors to get help in the areas i needed to. I was hit with the i want a separation which rocked my world and flipped me upside down. I was advised that the decision was made some time ago but the time to advise just didnt seem right. I asked if mediation was possible and was told no.
I then came to terms with sitch and stated to GAL advising that i would move out and get a rental and pay for half of mortgage. This was met with hostility and angst. During this i have been diagnosed with bipolar which all makes sense now.
I love my wife with all of my heart, we seem to have become closer since this even though i have done most of the talking. I have decided not to move out and we are in separate rooms, i was second guessing myself but working on me as these changes needed to happen. Today i had an overwelming internal message saying to come home and all my answers will be revealed- very strange and i came home to a mobile phone that had private messages with the om and her. This was very confronting, but i understand how this came to be and now i know what i am up against. I thought about confronting the sitch head on but that i believe would only produce negative results so i have decided to keep this info to myself, continue to read and work on me, so that i am happy with myself and she sees the man she fell in love with. She has noticed the changes i am making and recently she did make advances which resulted in husband wife activities even though i was advised thst it was just an itch that needed scratching. I am still willing to work on me and not give up on this relationship. I hope we can work through this and that oneday she will tell me.
It is very difficult knowing what i now know but i also dont want to give her the ammunition to justify the decision. She says she is feeling guilty about not contributing financially and she almost feels guilted in to staying with me. I advised her that whilst more than anything i want to be with her i only want this is she wants to be with me , not because of guilt or financial reasons. Any comments or advise would be greatly appreciated. I am avidly reading DR and still have hope for reconciliation. It is hard to get her to open up and really she doesnt need to. She did get very snippy and jealous when another female showed some interest as ther had heard what was going on but i am uninterested and explained that to her.
Again ill wait for your thoughts Thanks from down under.
