Overkill? It would be if your reasons to change are for her benefit. That's why you keep being asked about your intentions.
And yes, she is trying to demolish you. It must be frustrating for her to try that and yet see you not caving in, don't you think? You're taking away her justification for her actions. As that happens she has to re-evaluate. That means she has to look at her reasons. Again. That's not going to be easy for her.
Read that ^^^^^^^ again.
Spot on.
Have you noticed she has been shunning responsibility?
When your eyes open you can see this all around you but your W is struggling with this.
What happens when someone doesn't accept responsibility for themselves?
Until they realize that they are responsible they will come up with so many excuses why it isn't their fault.
It is like an alcoholic who can make up so many excuses as to when why and how they can quit or even need to quit. They think they are in control.
She is blaming you right now because:
You likely gave her some reasons for blaming you which you are working on
It can't possibly be her fault
She doesn't know the answer
It's easier to blame you than look inside
You are the closest person to her so if she isn't broken it MUST be you.
You can't stop the fact that no matter what you wear she sees a big bulls eye on your chest.
UNTIL
She looks inside and starts taking responsibility for her own demons
Until then this won't change I'm afraid and there will be a lot of bad choices before she is out of bullets.
I don't know if you read what I posted to you from my thread a few pages back because you have had a bunch of stuff going on....
And
I'm notoriously long winded.
But make yourself a cup of coffee and settle in and read it.
You are doing great moving through all this.
The pain will move you forward but it is a process
That takes time and experience.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
I have read and reread so many things here on these forums. Its one of the few things that is giving me strength and direction in the storm. I can firmly understand that this is a long process and that my loving W that I've known for 20 years is gone forever. I think the finality of that is sinking in with me at this point.
One thing I am struggling with is the idea that she may never find herself in all this. I don't fear for me anymore. I fear for her well being as she is lost. I don't want her to damage herself because of these unresolved issues that she is dealing with now. I also don't want her to damage our children any further during this journey.
BTW, every time I read one of your posts, one of the things that speaks most to me is your signature. Pets are awesome.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
I guess I just assumed everyone here caught the reference. It was made to me first on my very first thread. Mach and the boys have taken me down the rabbit hole. Kansas has definitely gone bye-bye.
Both 40 T-22 M-18 S13 S11
Bomb, ILYBINILWY-7/10/13 EA #1-confirmed 7/10/13, ongoing since 5/13 EA #2-9/13/13
JF, Your threads are the best and get a lot of interesting, helpful convo, so YES start another!
I recommend reading the article? It looks at all the metaphors that include the concept of a pill that lets you either recognize reality or stay in your fantasy.
"The red pill and its opposite, the blue pill, are pop culture symbols representing the choice between embracing the sometimes painful truth of reality (red) and the blissful ignorance of illusion (blue) ."
Seems like in many of our situations we take the blue pill because the red pill is too painful.
