Ambivalent, This forum has always advised posters to keep to one thread when posting. Why? Because it helps the readers follow you, your situation and progress. It also helps you, the poster when you want to go back and review your threads.
If you have additional subjects to discuss when you have a thread open, may I suggest changing your subject line within your original thread that is open?
Also, there are two "tacked" threads at the top of this forum reminding posters to keep threads close to the 100 posting count because lengthy threads tend to bog down readers and posters.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
FYI...from Jack's thread. Jack is one of our moderators.
"If you would be so kind to keep your thread to around 100 posts I'd appreciate it.
As for why? It seems to help the flow of the boards.
You can always link your old threads to your new one...but heh for that you'd need someone, not me, to tell you how, maybe someone superfly cool will post how to do it : )
Thanks guys."
I didn't want you to think I was making this stuff up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I know about the one hundred posts, so I didn't think your were making anything up. C;
I have cycled in and out of moods since the beginning. In the beginning, prior to finding this site, I felt such horrible guilt. That I pushed him away, didn't meet his needs. He was feeling horrible.
Then when he was rewriting history, and spewing , I just took it, listened and validated.
Not until I came here did I know that I was just a part of what he's going through. I had believed he wouldn't seek outside the marriage again. When he admitted that he was, before he left, it was difficult to hear.
Finding the things that I have found, brought it to reality. I felt deep deep agony, hate, and loathing. I needed to get those feelings out of my system. I also felt regret and remorse. Now I feel sorrow.
The sorrow I feel is for him. Now , I cannot change the past, and only he can deal with his past and present.
I have chosen to be there for him. At least for now. I cannot say where I'll be weeks, months , or years from today.
IF we ever come to piecing, I'll not forget. I'll use my knowledge to keep me from forgetting how I got to be a LBS. I don't ever want him to feel like we can't talk about the truth, our needs, or whatever may bother us.
I don't know if he will grow from this. He may get stuck and just repeat his mistakes too. My father didn't learn and my husband's father married over and over and died alone.
Now neither of them had wives who stood. My mom, does have regrets over her behavior. His mom, just hated and taught hate.
I pray God gives me another chance and show enlightenment to my struggling Experimenter.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Remorse is a good topic as well. Wonder how that is exhibited covertly? Hmmmm.....
Job speaks much wisdom. You'll see them try to insert themselves in your life over time. In my case, my ex remarried almost immediately after the divorce and then started to "harass" me about all kinds of mundane things. I once reminded her of something she said, and she flatly denied it. But I do recall the guilt she had at the time of leaving. It was hard to see that much guilt on somebody. There was no way to reach her or help her with it, but you could feel it. It was palpable.
Remorse? I haven't a clue what that would look like, but I would guess that it would be felt in the absence of trying to hurt. More awkward, and it would feel like they were trying to more tenderly connect vs. the spewing of hate and discontent. I'll let you know should I ever see it
I do know that MLC is a painful experience for all concerned.
What they do to navigate and deal with their actions is not a trip I wish on somebody, that's for sure.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Ambivalent, I'm glad you and your little man took a walk yesterday. Sometimes the fresh air helps to clear a person's mind. The talk you had w/your boss sounds promising in the fact that she's willing to assist you any way that she can.
May I ask you something? How much weight are you trying to lose? From your postings, I'm getting a little bit concerned that you are losing the weight too fast. I would hate to see you become ill from the weight loss.
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better. Your postings give me the impression that you are more grounded this week.
Hang in there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The crisp air and watching his four feet a scampering does lift one's spirit. I made myself dress up and look smart too. Walked erect, held head high.
Actually, the weight is falling off. I'm just enjoying the outcome. Because I use an elliptical and weight train, it does seem fast. But there were plateau periods too.
From May to November 36 lbs is aprox. six pounds a month. Also, my scale reads oz.'s . So if I go from say 168.4 to 167.9 I call it a lb.!
The muscle I'm building is adding to the fat burn. I'm 53 and to achieve this loss is really something. Interesting though...I never had any tummy, or back weight, always a-s and legs. Now I have a wee tum. Even with the weight loss. Hormones and age. It is slowly going down, and with this I am grateful.
It is the best thing for my esteem. I even tried on bathing suits yesterday! For my height 150 is the ultimate. Would I be skinny, uh NO. Would I be healthy and curvaceous? Yes...Think J-Lo or other Latin stars. No I'm not Latin...ha!
I take supplements, b-vitamins, niacin, L-arg. as well as multi-vit. I make sure to try and rest or sleep, so I don't get sick.
I also give myself a rest to trick my body when I go back to working out. It will cause a powerful burn the next day.
Thank you for your concern. It touches me.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
You'll see them try to insert themselves in your life over time. In my case, my ex remarried almost immediately after the divorce and then started to "harass" me about all kinds of mundane things. I once reminded her of something she said, and she flatly denied it. But I do recall the guilt she had at the time of leaving. It was hard to see that much guilt on somebody. There was no way to reach her or help her with it, but you could feel it. It was palpable.