Need support! Conflicted H

[Junsui]

I'm not entirely sure I understand what details you're asking for, so I apologize if my answer has nothing to do with your questions.

My T has said that it sounds like my H is experiencing negative sentiment override towards me (although of course couldn't say for sure without H's side of the story). In general, I would say something innocuous ("Turn off the stove so the food doesn't burn."), but he would take it very negatively ("Turn off the stove so the food doesn't burn. Duh, you're such an idiot. Why are you so stupid that you don't know that you need to turn off the stove.") I would try to explain that isn't what I meant, and things would escalate from there. This time it escalated to the point where he said "I want a divorce" (not for the first time). However, this time my crying, etc. had no effect. He remained very determined that he wanted a divorce for almost a week before I tried something different. Instead of defending myself, I decided to listen to what he had to say and wait a few seconds before responding. I think what I did was what is called validating his feelings. At this time, he said he didn't really want a divorce, and he would be willing to try MC. However, as weeks passed without him making an appointment, I found DR and this forum. I've really taken a good hard look in the mirror, and it wasn't pretty, and I know I have a lot of work to do. However, I also realize that I can't take all the responsibility.

Maybe the fact I'm referring to it as a bomb drop despite the fact it has happened before is confusing. But usually when things had calmed down after one of these explosions he would claim that divorce wasn't an option, he loved me, and he would never threaten again if he didn't mean it. In between I would start to think maybe we finally got past that because things would seem good, but really H would be keeping his resentment over something to himself until the next time he had a rehash of the past.