Need support! Conflicted H

[Junsui]

I’m still pretty new to the forums, so maybe I’m just doing this wrong or I have bad luck. My original Newcomers thread never posted (on day 8), so I think it got lost, and it seems like if I post in other sections I don’t really get any replies… so I hope it’s okay for me to try another Newcomers thread. I’m sorry if my other one shows up eventually!

Background: Even during dating, I have always been the “pursuer” in my and H’s R. He wasn’t sure he wanted to commit, and even broke up with me. When he wanted to get back together eventually, I prayed about it a lot and then eventually decided to do so. We married right after he got Bachelor’s and one semester before I finished mine. He had to work a job he really hated for the first few months of our marriage while I was finishing school and we were applying to graduate school. I think this is possibly what triggered his eventual spiral into depression. We got into many different schools in many different states, but H wanted to attend school near his parents so that we could live with them. Despite my misgivings, at the time I was operating under the idea that I should support H’s career aspirations above mine, and so I agreed to this. We moved in with in-laws after only being married 7-8 months. On top of this, at the time I was suffering from some health problems that were impacting our sex life. In hindsight, I feel it was my struggle with the loss of independence that came from moving in with the in-laws that sort of triggered the issues in our M. Things grew steadily worse, and before we’d been married 2 years H and I got into vicious cycle where he would BD/threaten D, and I would cry, bargain, accept all the blame and responsibility etc., he would relent, and we’d eventually stabilize for awhile. As I also mentioned, H has been struggling with depression that caused him to fail some of his graduate classes. In an effort to resolve issues H had with my personality and behavior, I went to IC for almost 2 years.

On Oct. 9 I finally moved out of in-laws after latest BD where H did not relent. I know technically separating is supposed to make DBing more difficult. However, as a result of being able to get some distance, I've finally been able to focus on just me for the first time in years. I read DR, and I’ve been trying to 180, LRT (Stop the Chase and GAL). Since historically I’ve been the fixer and I’ve tried to help him with school and career to the point of sabotaging my own, I am letting H be responsible for himself. I’m not reminding him, applying for him, etc. Some of my GAL goals are:
1) Finish thesis, then apply for full time job that involves moving not commutable distance from H’s parents.
2) Lose weight (I gained 20 pounds since M because I’m a stress eater. That might not seem like a lot, but I am so short that it is enough to make me pre-diabetic).
3) Become involved in my church again. Before M issues I attended church weekly and actively read scriptures, etc.
4) Run a 5k. I know that probably seems small to some of the half-marathon/marathon runners on here, but I figured I’d better start small.

I’m also attempting to work on some of the ways I react in arguments that contributed to the problems in our M. I’ve gotten to the point where I realize that I am not completely at fault/responsible, but nor is it all H’s fault.

Now back to the current state of R: After a few days, H did eventually say he didn't want D, he wanted to try MC. However, he never made an appointment, and he's been very conflicted and ambivalent. Yesterday we had to meet to discuss how to pay December bills, and H seemed reasonable about finances. I was getting mixed signals from him though, and maybe someone more experienced at DBing can help me out. He said that everyone (friends and family I'm assuming?) has noticed how much happier he's been since we've separated. He doesn't think we'll get a divorce because he can't pull that trigger. He'd rather put up with the abuse. He loves me, but he can't quite bring himself to say let's get back together. However, throughout our entire time together yesterday, H was very physically affectionate - hugs, snuggles, petting my hair. He also told me we should get health insurance together if I wouldn’t be able to do it without him.

As a newbie, I’m hoping someone with more experience can help me out. He seems like he’s still conflicted and not sure what he wants, not at the point where he’s ready to accept his part in the way things got and work on things, but at the same time H doesn’t sound as hostile as some spouses do in some of the other situations I’ve read about here on the board. For now I’m still planning to continue with stopping the chase (minimal contact) and GAL and the other things I outlined above, but I wasn’t sure in light of H being depressed and maybe not completely hostile towards me if there were things I should do differently or not. Thanks for any advice!