Left Behind on the Left Coast V: I Will Survive

[LBH_LC]

It really [censored] that she has been so resolute in this. I think my STBX might be the most resolute and steadfast in DB forum history, and it's hard not to take it personally.

[MrCAS]

Right there with you... going through a settlement thing myself but I won't hijack your thread.

All you can do is remain resolute and conduct yourself with class, honor, and dignity.

[uRworthy]

Hey Lefty. I am sorry the legal stuff suckks. No way around it, though, unfortunately.

I know it feels likes she is the most resolute. Trust me, she isnt.

Doesnt matter who checked out first, who did what. What matters is who you are now.

As long as you are being fair, thats what matters. As long as you are acting with dignity, thats what matters.

Whatever the reasons are that she is doing what she is doing, does not.

Hang in there.

[2chiquitos]

We are just nowhere near an agreement as to a fair settlement and she has made statements relevant to the settlement that are so outrageous that I find it difficult to believe they were made in good faith. Others I know she knows are patently false, like how I refuse to meet/speak with her when I have texts proving she cancels every time. She got her financial statement to my lawyer and me yesterday and then got upset that we did not have a response ready.

I have never been involved in a divorce so you can ignore everything I'm about to say... Here goes. Fight for what is important. Let go of what is not. Ex. the computer. New ones run at $500 and they better than you're 3yo one. Give it to her. This is only an example but I hope you understand what I mean. When she's fighting tooth and nail for something ask yourself, "How important it is?" Will it draw you closer to serenity or cause you to get more and more sucked into her tornado.

I have read the law in my state and I believe my offer is fair and reflects that, I believe you. Heck, I bet a lot of people on this sight believe you. but she is wanting much more than she is entitled to and she is upset that I am not rolling over for her and giving her things she is not entitled to.How is this affecting you? She can fight about it all she wants. You continue to repeat your boundaries. She is blaming me for the choices SHE made. To her, I'm still the one who is responsible for all the bad things in her life. I think she blames me for her current financial state and maybe even her illness.You know this isn't true. Detach Detach Detach

[LBH_LC]

Thank you for all the of your comments and thoughts. I'm trying to keep a PMA and follow the Mr.CAS Creed—class, honor, and dignity.

2chiquitos: *I know* it isn't true, but that doesn't make her belief that it is any less hurtful. Still, I think I have progressed greatly on detaching and am feeling more detached than ever before.

Love you all!

[Positivespin]

Lefty,

Its that "Emotional Optimist" in you. Our w are still in too deep to realize or care or even rationalize the term fairness.

Its all about them....thats all

[LBH_LC]

Another hearing tomorrow. First anniversary of my dad's death next week. I've been feeling pretty numb lately. I've been keeping busy (gym, non-profit, etc.) and taking care of myself, but not really finding much joy in it. I've been buying new clothes to fit the new me, and it gives me a superficial pleasure, but it's fleeting. I'm not sure why.

I'll be glad when we're past Valentine's Day.

[MrCAS]

This time of the year feels like Murderer's Row to me.

I will be praying for you, Brother.

[labug]

2 chiquitos gave you some very good advice. She's wise beyond her years.

Now I'm going to tap you with a 2x4, lovingly.

To her, I'm still the one who is responsible for all the bad things in her life. I think she blames me for her current financial state and maybe even her illness.

Step away from the victim stance. She can blame you for the Lindbergh kidnapping (anybody get that reference) but you know the truth, you know you. Taking all that stuff in is like handing your power to her.

What she's doing is more about her needs and her "stuff" for lack of a better word, than it is about you. As vero said, don't get sucked into that.

Stand tall, be proud and clean YOUR lens everyday. (sometimes I have to clean mine more than once a day but hey...)

Let her worry about hers.

[LBH_LC]

Thanks for the 2x4, always better than crickets.

Oh, I don't agree with her when I say that she thinks that. I lament the wall and the hate and the loss. We have not had one conversation about what happened since January.

Thank you for the advice, labug. My T definitely agrees with the lens advice; we've discussed how I've been depressed for so much of my life that I tend to return to that as default state. Do you have any advice on how to clean one's lens?

Glad to have this place as a resource; I get the sense none of my friends and family want to hear about it anymore.