Given the affair, her moving out is a boundary for me and I have expressed that to her.
First, you can't control her....boundaries aren't for you to control her. Second, moving out or not isn't going to make her fall in love with you again or stop the affair. Right now there seems to be a lot of pressure on both of you...space may be needed for both of you. Don't read more into it than there may be. It's a problem for you because of what "you think" is going to happen....and the truth is, you don't know.
Originally Posted By: dingo
I am just not willing to let her put my romantic life and ability to start a family on hold (because I won't even think about dating someone else while I am still married - separated or not) while she goes out and acts single or gets back involved with the OM.
Really? Your M didn't get her overnight, and it's not going to get better overnight. You are just as responsible for where your M as she is.
Sounds to me like there's a lot more going on here than you putting your romantic life on hold. Dig in....do you see it?
Originally Posted By: dingo
I guess I think we are at a point where a firm decision needs to be made. As some people said a page or so back, it may take the realization of loss for her to snap back to reality; and if that doesn't change things, we are that much closer to where we will ultimately end up anyway.
I agree with the concept...she indeed may have to realize the loss of you at some point. But this seems way early in the game to be forcing that hand. I would be focusing on improving yourself and give her some space. You adding even more pressure to the mix is probably not going to get you the results you want.
Personally, my goal was to get to that point where I believed I was the "man only a fool would leave" first. Once I got to that point, then I thought I could force some issues. I'd done my work...she'd seen the changes for long enough to believe them....she knew the new deal she'd be giving up. In your case, she's still thinking you're the old deal at this point.
