This is off topic to this thread, but your other is locked. You have mentioned on several occasions the number of times your email was read by your H, or "he's reading it RIGHT NOW". Out of curiosity, how do you have access to that information? I've never looked for it, but I've never heard of software like that. I don't even know how many times I've read my own emails.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
PM, I agree. I'm curious to know as well. I do know that once you open an email that you have tagged as "return receipt" and it's been opened you can't see how many times it has been opened.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ambivalent, I have sent a note to the moderators tor request that your other thread be unlocked since you still had six postings left to reach the 100 posting mark.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I sometimes thing SHAME is what drives this whole thing we call MLC. I think these men and women have a deep-seated shame about being who are they are
I concur! I believe this is why they seek new friends, pull away from their family, siblings, and people with whom they work.
It is about their self -esteem. Are they where they want to be in life? Is this what I want from here on? I don't have what I thought I'd have by now...
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
The MLCer will also want to sweep their crisis under the rug and not discuss what they did or didn't do or say during the crisis. Some will not remember everything and others are so ashamed of what they've done, they would much prefer to forget about it and move on w/life.
I can most definitely see this. That's why I believe my role, at this stage , is to not add to anymore guilt/shame. He's doing it to himself. Also, if I had done some of what he is most likely doing :D, I don't think I would want it thrown in my face.
I would feel such shame for hurting him. I already feel that way about my part of hurting him. I would rather be accepted from where I have come and the ability to work through it.
If I was constantly faced with a sad and hurt expression, or worse, I would run the other way.
Formerly Workinprogress H :55 M :over 29 yrs. Together : 33 D : college D : adult BD and left : May 2013 Separated Experimenting/Replay
Ambivalent, That is why forgiveness plays a huge role in the journey. True, in the beginning we are hurt, angry, wanting revenge, etc., but the bottom line is that we have to learn how to forgive them for their mistakes and behavior. We may not forget what they've done, but we can forgive them for they are human and humans make mistakes. We do not want to become bitter, angry people who are just as miserable as they are. We do not want to fall down into the rabbit hole and lower ourselves to their levels while they are on the Mother Ship and acting out like Pod People.
Part of their fear as they travel to acceptance is that we will throw everything in their faces. That we will constantly remind them of their mistakes when we aren't happy w/them. That's why it is important to remember during the reconnection stage that they are still very fragile and learning how to live in their new skins not to point fingers, i.e., to be compassionate and love from afar, not to make demands on them and learn to accept them for who they are today, not who they were a year ago. People change and trust me, we ALL change when the crisis hits. None of us are the same as we were pre-crisis. Some may say yes they are, but deep down, they've changed as well.
It is important during this time to work on ourselves and be the best that we can be. Life is far too short to sit and wait by the phone, computer, etc., for them to wake up. Their journey began a long time ago and the clock didn't start ticking for their take off until a trigger flipped the switch.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
M 16 T 20 M 41 H 39 S 19 S 15 Bomb drop April 4; Moved out April 13 D started-full force ----------------------- Dancing through the fire Cause I am a champion and you’re gonna hear me ROAR
