Where am I at pt 2

[Icecoldw]

I just looked at my post count and noticed it was over 100.

[jp787]

I just looked at my post count and noticed it was over 100.

Good call

First Post:
Where am I am?

[Icecoldw]

Just came home and seeing little things that have been removed or rearranged is kind of depressing, it like a thief has come in the night. I know take a big breath just try to get through the day. I think the reason I feel more pain this time around is because I'm also reliving the pain when my first wife left, I never dealt with those emotions, now there flooding back.

[Icecoldw]

I did talk to a DB coach yesterday, it was a pretty good experience, he say I am probably doing better than what I think. I hope so, I just don't see my w missing me and wanting to come back at the minute.

[Icecoldw]

Talked with my friend last night and started to read Dr and as a result, I'm in a better place mentally. I realized I have to treat this like a deployment where we are seperated and can't talk as much as I want, so take it for what it is and one day we will see each other again. The only thing is on deployments I usually knew how long I would be gone.

Started to set goals and find out what my needs are to be the man I need to be. Kind of laugh because if I get back with my w she will probably find new things that will annoy her.

Going to start a journal about my journey, in it I will write down all the questions I have for the w so I can quit asking them in my head and trying to find answers, who knows if we ever getback together I might not need the answers.

I have learned that I need to quit looking for the big changes and focus on the small, thats one of my problems is I want it all or none.

[adinva]

The man you need to be is something much greater than fixing the nits that annoyed your W. It is something you can do with or without her input, and it is something that will exist whether she is or isn't annoyed by new future things.

It's deciding if you're a doer or a procrastinator, a kind person or a mean one, a successful one or a lazy one, a thoughtful one who listens or a selfish one who doesn't hear, and so on. Your w's complaints may give you clues about things to work on, but ultimately figuring out how to be the best man you can be is something that you can figure out on your own and do.

I know you were just saying that in a kind of laughing way, which I get, but I wanted to make sure you know that a better man is the goal...not a man who has fixed the specific nits his wife complained about. One of those two gets the bigger picture and the other doesn't get it at all.

[Icecoldw]

Yes I know what you are talking about and that is my goal, to become a better person, just trying to lighten the mood with my joke.

[Icecoldw]

Sandi, you have said that the lbs should not be a doormat, how's that? We can't ask questions, where they've been, can't defend ourselves when in an argument, we have to try not to act like the a is affecting us. We have to let them do what ever they want to do while still m. I know we have to set boundaries but how can we do that when they leave and we go dark? I'm still learning a lot, have my good days and bad, mostly bad this week. Could you help me start a plan of action or is that something I have to come up with.

[hotwheelsaust]

Icecoldw, not being a doormat, is not allowing the W to use you. You can still not ask questions, still act as though it isn't affecting you and still not get into an argument. What you need to do is simply stand up for things if it gets too much against your normal expectations. For example: if you continued to allow your W to come into the house and remove things without setting a time or day, and without knowing what is being taken. It is allowing a set time, usually 48 hours is what the forum tends to use, between texts, emails and returning phone calls. Rather than replying asap.
Your main plan of action is to improve on yourself: keep fit, wear good clothes, shaved and cologne. It is for you to do the 180's, have a PMA and start to GAL. Most importantly, it is to learn to validate your W.

[Icecoldw]

I think this morning is the most she has said in a long time, must be because she know tomorrow will be her last day here in the house before she's off on her own.

Had to take the basement door off so SS can move a desk out of the basement, this is his weekend he is moving to his dads, and the w commented on how she likes the door off, almost like if she was going to stay. Very confusing.

She also informed me she will be off for two weeks around Christmas and that she would take our s so I don't have to drop him off every morning. All I could say was whatever. Will be interesting because she has not spent that much time with him in about 3months. Plus the In laws do not have internet, wonder how long it will take my son to get bored and want to come home so he can be with his dog and cat, and in his own bed? He's only spent one night and it was fun and exciting.

I've read some of the quotes see likes on another form, there almost about doing something now so see will not have any regrets, kind of funny because she is willing to throw our marriage out and not think about it. Did not see any quotes about someone else making her happy, there might not be om and it is all about her wanting her freedom.