I Believe it Cause I Feel It

[Whiterose]

Sending him this resume could assist him in screwing me and the boys over. He' could be applying for a less paying job or have an easier time taking me off his medical. It makes me nervous.
I'm so angry at him. And hurt. He's an a$$ in his last two texts and this time he's as sweet as anything? I did. All that work. Why should he just get it now?

[job]

WR,
I can't tell you what to do. You will need to let your conscience be your guide on this. I do understand how you feel, but you need to rise above his actions and show him that you are the better person. Two wrongs don't make a right. I've been down the road you are traveling and I truly do understand how you feel right now. I was of the same mind set you are about the nasty behavior and then coming back being all nice, etc., but at the end of the day, I waited a while before I provide my xh w/his electronic info.

By providing the resume, it may make things a little bit more smoother for you and the boys and he might cooperate a little bit better...but that's just my two cents. You do what you think you need to do.

[TSquared2]

Hi WR,

Yes, you are hurt and angry. But you have to be the better person here. At the very least, it would NOT look good for you in D court to be seen as vindictive, and this little resume thing could be spun up into that pretty easily, imo.

These little things add up to a big picture. Keep your focus on the big picture please. Let these little things go, what do you want YOUR picture of you to be?

I'll just re-quote job, she has it perfect (naturally):

I would send the resume to him and advise him that it will be his responsibility to maintain an electronic copy of his resume from this day forward. After you send it to him, delete the resume on your hard drive. Now, if you really aren't sure about deleting it, put it on a thumb drive and store it somewhere safe...accommodate him once and after that, he is on his own.

I know how you feel, but you don't want to lower yourself to his level. Show him you are the kinder, gentler person than he is, i.e., lead by example. Sometimes a little kindness will go a long way in getting what you want later.

Just my 2.5 cents (US)

[Whiterose]

Hi T2
thank you to you and Job, and Bea,for your input.......can I ask for my money? the $380 medical cheque he took, knowing it wasn't his, and my child support?

[job]

How many times have you asked for the money? I would ask one more time and then turn it over to the lawyer. If he's like most of them, it's gone/spent and if he has the money, he's not going to give it to you. He might even take some pleasure in your asking for it. Ask once more and then turn it over to your lawyer.

[Whiterose]

I've asked twice for the medical cheque. Do I ask when I can expect child support?

[job]

You can ask...but you may not get an answer. Again, this is something that you may need to address w/your lawyer. Any way that your child support can be garnished from his wages and be made as a direct deposit? I can't see you constantly "asking about it". Again, many MLCers want their spouses to grovel for every little morsel out there.

[Whiterose]

He has my financials, three weeks now, but we haven't heard back yet so there is no signed court papers outling it. He knows he owes me but he doesn't want to pay until I take the process seriously and sit down to figure it out. The problem is my kids need the money now. Would you ask job? Or would you leave it? Maybe just ask about the $380 and not child support?

I went to S14's school to have the team meeting. They are filling out the paperwork to start the ADHD testing with the dr. I also managed to get him a psychoanalysis for free using university students that will be in the school in January. Thank God. $2700!!!! We discussed different challenges he's facing, what's working what's not, how to support him. What's going on with H. My sister, also a teacher specializing in special needs support, was there and helped me through questions and answers. I also, at her suggestion, set up for sealed envelopes to be left in S14's file so that I cannot be accused of hiding info. His GLC, a man I went to school with actually (GLC is like a union rep for kids. A teacher that is the child advocate if they need help or get in trouble. Also, the person I go to for any issues) will be calling H's cell to let him know that there is stuff to pick up at his convenience. I asked them not to send it to my house but to leave it there. Now, it's in his court if he tries saying I'm not giving him the paperwork......my sister works in a very rich part of town (little known fact Vancouver has the poorest and richest postal codes in canada) anyways, she sees ugly rich divorces and this was something that, although like me, I've never denied H the ability to get the papers he won't and it'll be my fault, her principal and a fellow teacher, also a friend of mine, have been hauled into court over.

I'm babbling I know. So much to process

[job]

WR,
I would ask about both and explain that you need the money to help purchase the children clothes and pay for the children's medical and school expenses. Make the request all about your children.

He is their father and you shouldn't be questioning whether to ask him for the money or not. Send an email for documentation and continue to document each and every request/response to his requests. It's time to move this right along to the lawyer and advise him/her that you need temporary child support until the papers are signed.

As for the paperwork at the school, you've done the right thing and it will be on him to pick the papers up. You've done what you can to keep him in the loop and as I see it, you don't have anything to worry about w/this matter.

Now, breathe, send your email one last time and go from there.

[Whiterose]

OK I DID IT!
when did talking to your H become so stressful?!?!?!

"Hi
Here is a copy of your resume. Please ensure you keep a copy for future needs.

I was wondering when I can expect to see the $380 from blue cross? I gave it to you in error, thinking it was yours as they had made mistakes in caluclations and expense names and assumed it was yours. When I called them they realized their error but you had already picked up the cheque. Also, wondering when you're going to give me the rest of September, October and November child support. The kids needs are getting beyond my scope to do on my own, especially as it's slow now, and I really need to buy them some things, pay for groceries, etc.

Thank you
r

thoughts?????

Just met with my priest, S14's school costs me $305/month because it's catholic not public, so I had to ask Fr to help me out. He knows everything and is actually quite disgusted, he has not said in so many words but I get the feeling, with H. Anyway, I told him about the resume and his words "be careful....as soon as he realizes he's still not happy he's going to try and come back" He said he's seen it so many times before and that H is starting to see I'm not 100% at fault for his problems which next means he'll see me differently and try and come home. I asked him point blank "Fr where does the church stand on this? Will I be excommunicated or denied communion?" "not at all!" I asked how I could possibly qualify for an annulment and he said I would have no problem and that Pope Francis is actually making it easier to get one....loosening the strings a little. My priest is young, 43, and we have a very good relationship (FB friends, my S19 cycles with him, etc, etc) I find it odd that he would "warn" me agains H coming back but I guess this is the new way.