I understand that moving out may be what she needs but given the affair, it essentially results in an open marriage - or at least the potential of an open marriage - which is not something that I can accept. You need to set your boundaries regardless of where she lives and stand by them
She has wavered back and forth about wanting to work on things and then not wanting to work on things. Most recently, she wanted to work on things 3 weeks ago and then her feeling started to change about 1 week ago. It seems like she doesn't have the resolve to characterize her feelings and understand them and learn to not let them control her. This is the hard part. You need to let her figure things out on her own and focus on you, not her, not the M.
As of this morning, she wants the day to think about things some more but I have remained consistent in what I am looking for: commitment to the marriage. While I can accept the rollercoaster of feelings and emotions, I can't accept acting them out every time as it just keeps us in limbo. A firm decision needs to be made by one of us.
Are you really at the point that a firm decision needs to be made? It sounds like she isn’t ready for that and if it is force, you may not like the results.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
