And I'm continuing to work on me. I'm running a half marathon in 13 days, I've made lots of new friends through running and divorce support group, I've lost weight, bought new clothes, getting everything set up to start volunteering at the hospital (I've been at stay at home mom for 11 years and really feel like I need "more"), and continuing with lots of therapy for this crazy time.
Hi S, I am new to your thread, but this sounds so promising! Great to hear that you have done so many things to take care of you and GAL! Keeping my fingers crossed for you that H continues to come around.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
Glad to hear you are doing well and continuing your GAL and work on yourself. I too hope your H continues to move towards you and your family
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
You are amazing. You did what you had to do, you didn't play games, you left the door open but you moved on and didn't wait for him to come around. Good for you. I will be praying for a true reconciliation for you and for H to do his own work.
M 46 H 44 D 12 S 8 M 9 T 11 BD 2/15/13 "Makes sense to stay together" 5/12/13 Agree we are 'healing' 7/13 Definitely Piecing 9/13
My husband took it upon himself to start therapy! The therapist is awesome and has really encouraged my husband to work on his marriage. On Tuesday my husband told his attorney to put the brakes on the divorce proceedings while he continues therapy to make sure he's doing the right thing.
That's fantastic! Congrats!!
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We spent 6 hours at lunch after that having the most open and honest conversation we've had in years. I feel really hopeful!
That's a really, really good sign. Most sitches in the piecing forum involved a similar hours-long heart-to-heart conversation that happened just before piecing started.
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The "negative" in this is that he's still with OW but we talked a lot about that relationship on Tuesday and he made it clear the grass is not greener.
Well that is certainly a BIG negative. I hope you've been clear to him that you're not working on the M with him until OW is out of the picture. He has to break up with her in a way that involves you (such as a call with you listening in), that's the only way you can start rebuilding trust.
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I'm afraid she'll pull him back in when he tries to end it.
It's definitely an issue. It's easy to say he's going to end it, not so easy to actually do it.
Thanks for all the feedback. He still says as of today he's going to end it with her. I don't know what he's waiting for but I'm really trying to just let it go. I still feel like this situation is "fragile" and I don't want to force anything. And really, if I have to force him to end it with her it won't work anyway. He has to want it bad enough to make that decision on his own. I have been very clear that a marriage can not work with 3 people, she's got to go before we take the next step.
I'm still hopeful. I've seen a lot of positive changes in him lately. Patience is the hardest part. I just miss him!
Nobody knows what the future holds, divorce isn't permanent. If we are meant to be we will find our way back together after he works through his confusion or whatever is going on in his head. I'm not waiting for that to happen NOW. NOW is not the time for us, that is clear. He has too much he needs to work on within himself...and I'm actually really enjoying working on myself and discovering I'm pretty strong and independent. I'm actually excited about returning to work.
Great place to be sthelen and the work you have done really shows up here! Congratulations on that....
For whatever reason this really resonated with me today. Thanks for continuing to post about your situation.
Me-48,W-51 M-22,T-24 S- 18,16,9 Feb-Jul '11 Away from Home, after initial B date Aug-Dec '11 Back at Home on couch Dec '11-now Same bedroom, room mates only Dec '14 W files initial D paperwork
Wow, just looking at your signature it seems like we have pretty similar timelines and stories.
I WISH OW would dump my husband. I'm still waiting for him to do it. He says he's going to by the end of the year. He told me yesterday he's "very confident" in his ability to do it, whatever that means. I'm not sure why he needs so much time. Would anyone with more experience like to make a guess there? It seems to me like he just wants permission to play a little longer. But, I've come this far. I really don't want to let another month or two keep me from saving my marriage, you know?
I have an orientation at the hospital next week, I'm going to start volunteer work to take my mind off being single through the holiday season.
I wouldn't even be talking to your H if he is openly admitting being with OW but not doing anything about it. Does she know about you? Only reason his OW dumped him was bc she called me after suspicions we were together and I confirmed it. LOL oh how the tables turned on her as she cried on the phone to me!
Wowz. I wish I was that lucky. Mine found an OW crazy enough that when I sent her a mesage saying I still loved him and she then saw my facebook posts insinuating we had ML and it was really great, my H demanded I delete them and somehow convinced her that *I* am the liar. It must be nice when the OW isn't just as self deluded as the MLCer.
me-35 WAS-37 T-16 1/2 Son-14 (HF Aspergers) BD,ILYBINILWY,"I met my soulmate": Oct5,2013 "Letting go because I love him, holding on because I love him."
I'm still waiting for him to do it. He says he's going to by the end of the year. He told me yesterday he's "very confident" in his ability to do it, whatever that means. I'm not sure why he needs so much time. Would anyone with more experience like to make a guess there? It seems to me like he just wants permission to play a little longer. But, I've come this far. I really don't want to let another month or two keep me from saving my marriage, you know?